Good grief. Well this is a new one. I am sitting here at my keyboard at home, coffee in hand, and nursing a sore leg and sore lip. Why? Thanks for asking! I shall tell you! Because just about 10 minutes ago, while still sound asleep, I was dreaming that some lowlife was stealing my motorcycle. It was parked a few feet away on the college campus I was at, where I was looking through the new math book I had just bought. When I looked up from the book and saw the punk trying to make off with the bike, I yelled and leaped at him with all my force. Unfortunately, I apparently did that in real life too. Yes, while sound asleep at 7:15 a.m., I suddenly yelled "NOOOOO!" out loud and propelled myself off the bed, banging into the nightstand and landing on the floor. Needless to say, I was now awake, sore, bewildered, feeling stupid, and with a little dog licking my face and wagging her tail because apparently this was some new game I was making up that seemed like a heck of a lot of fun.
So, um, yeah. Good morning everyone.
And now my morning is just that much brighter. Well done Jeff.
ReplyDeleteI've been know to "play basketball" in my sleep before, but I've never sustained injuries.
Good Morning, sir.
ReplyDeleteAt the very least, no one is shooting at you. (That's my new mantra.)
Hahahaaerrr, I mean, geez. That sucks. At least it's a story you'll get a lot of mileage out of.
ReplyDeleteDid you tell him he wasn't the lord of the rings too? Good post as always.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like a fun game, I'm sure your dog will look forward to repeat performances.
ReplyDeleteBetween this and the Lord of the Rings dream you might want to get checked out
ReplyDeleteI "dreamt" I was peeing in my closet once.
ReplyDeleteProbably a lot less painful.
Always good to know someone had a worse morning than I've had, I appreciate the boost.
ReplyDeleteAnd your first reaction is "oh man, I am so blogging this".
ReplyDeleteThank you for your service sir.
You should check out some of Mike Birbiglia's stuff on sleepwalking. I think that it may make you feel better about leaping out of bed to defend your motorcycle.
ReplyDelete'less gaming, more biking!' Your bike is trying to tell you that it feels neglected ;)
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel any better:
I dragged my very pregnant wife out of bed, while we were under attack. I made her hide and was yelling all kinda things.
Of course I was sleeping, but it did all happen for real. My wife was not impressed really ;)
(I am military)
I was shooting super mutants in a dreamfershol last night, although did not jump out of bed!
ReplyDeleteIf only it was Sauron stealing your bike.
ReplyDelete*sigh*... I came here to make a "You're not the Lord of the Rings!" joke, but it's clear I'm far too late... :-(
ReplyDeleteThanks for my noon time laugh. And that image will be in my head all day.
ReplyDeleteMy condolences for your face, Jeff :)
ReplyDeleteMan, Jeff, you really ARE a Fall Risk. Oh, and here's your teeth...
ReplyDeleteI did the same thing, except it was a Left 4 Dead dream and I'm not 100 years old.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel any better, your ruined morning has completely salvaged my ruined morning!
ReplyDeleteTwo wrongs DO make a right!
I wish I could laugh at you but I've done similar things in my sleep, with injurious results.
ReplyDeleteAnd I can't even say that my stunts were as noble as trying to stop someone from stealing your bike.
After some laughing, one kind of starts to think. Does that bike represent your acuired status from/by EA? Then, are you so terrified to loose this position, you're afriad you'll have to start over from the beginning (being the association with school). Didn't think you were so serious about the "Do not get fired"-joking.
ReplyDelete..Or is that bike just so damn precious to you. :D
Love the post. Thanks
Do things like this more often.
ReplyDeleteHahaha...that's a great way to wake up. I always have that dream where I'm back in school either playing kickball or soccer and I go to kick the ball, and either kick my girlfriend in bed or the air.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of your "I am NOT the Lord of the Rings!" story. Lol
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDeleted that post cuz I was WAY too late with the Lord of the Rings joke. Dammit! There's only so many times you get a chance to make that joke with a small crowd of people! Curses!
ReplyDeleteI always wondered if people did stuff like that coming out of a dead sleep. I mean, you see it in movies all the time, but I've never heard of it in real life. Thanks for taking one for the team and sharing Jeff.
ReplyDeleteOh man! It's times like this I wish there was still a GFW with you on it. Would have made me laugh into unconsciousness like your "You're not the Lord of the Rings!" dream.
ReplyDeleteThe only other thing we can be sure of is that this shady character is not the lord of the rings.
ReplyDeleteMost importantly, what math book was it?!
ReplyDeleteall i can say is Epic Fail
ReplyDeleteJeff- you really need to read this:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.healthcentral.com/erectile-dysfunction/c/29454/50175/moto?ic=6026
My heart goes out to you, man.
haha, oh jeff.
ReplyDeletewoh woh.
YOU'RE NOT THE LORD OF MY BIKE!
ReplyDeleteWell, the important thing is that you successfully prevented your bike from being stolen in your dreams. That means it'll still be there the next time you go to sleep.
ReplyDeleteJust try not to get in a wreck in your dreams-- who knows what THAT would end up like in the real world.
At least you didn't break a hip. That means you still have a little bit of your youth remaining.
ReplyDeleteI wish my dreams were that awesome. Not the pain, but I would laugh about that later.
ReplyDelete"You are not the lord of my bike!"
You're not the lord of the motorcycles!!!! seek help brother, they have pills for this lol.
ReplyDeleteGood morning to you too! I had a similar experience when I dreamt that I was running over a mother with two kids in a zebra-crossing. In my sleep I did some crazy Exorsist frantic sprint out of my bed and woke up screaming on the floor.
ReplyDeleteLol. Once, when I was sleeping over at a girlfriend's place, I had a dream that this dog ran up to me and emitted a kind of howling bark. My eyes opened while I was still making the sound, and it took me a second to piece together that I was howling out loud in my sleep. I woke my girlfriend who was sleeping next to me, and her roommate on the bunk above us (don't ask).
ReplyDelete"Noooooooooooo!" *entire bedroom implodes*
ReplyDeleteAt least you didn't hit your wife during your flying leap.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever hit her before? My wife and I have only been married three months, and we've slugged each other in our sleep numerous times.
At least I'm sleeping when I do it. She could be wide awake and just getting back at me for something stupid I did that day.
Thanks for the story, Jeff. :)
You have the best dreams ever!
ReplyDeleteHaha! That was a great. I wouldn't be surprised if your wife requested to sleep in separate beds a la Dick Van Dyke from now on.
ReplyDeleteHmm, next you'll be dreaming that you passed out in the kitchen while arguing with your wife, spent the night in hospital, went to France, came back, caught pneumonia, suffered the loss of the family cat, got sick with the flu, lost your job as editor in chief of the greatest gaming magazine there ever was, eventually quit, landed a fantastic job with EA as a game designer, and... er, lived happily ever after?
ReplyDeleteNah, all that could never happen.
God dreams are just so unreal aren't they.
Since there has not been a November 26th follow-up posting, I guess we can assume the worst happened this morning.
ReplyDeleteIt is sad that the misfortune of others can make me laugh but HA that's a funny story!
ReplyDelete/P
Crazy! I don't know if you listen to This American Life, but a couple of months ago, they did a story similar to this. Except, it was with the comic Mike Birbiglia, who jumped out of a 2 story window. Go back and find it, it's totally worth a listen.
ReplyDelete"Hi! My name is 'Jeff' and I'm a complete and utter spaz."
ReplyDeleteHah, you paint a vivid picture.
ReplyDeleteI recall having some sort of twisted child abuser (think more Captain Hook than anything genuinely horrible) appear in one of my dreams. I instinctively struck with a blow to the gut. Unfortunately this turned out to be a wall. Thankfully, sleep is a good sedative.
At least you still have your dignity, right?
ReplyDeleteIf your life feels like it is lacking the power that you want and the motivation that you need, sometimes all you have to do is shift your point of view.
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