Friday, December 19, 2008

"Mmmmmm, you smell like meat!"

Until now, I did not know what I wanted for Hanukkah this year. Actually, no, that's not correct. I do know what I want. I want a large, flat-screen HD TV. And a new computer. And, hmmmm, well, world peace wouldn't suck. And a new writing staff for "Heroes." And the complete The Wire DVD set.

But okay other than those things, I hadn't really wanted anything. That was until today, when I received an AIM message from my good friend Dana Jongewaard, former CGW cohort, current editor-in-chief of gaming website Green Pixels, and, most recently, brand new mom. (Speaking of which, Ms Jongewaard asked me to relay to her readers why she hasn't written anything for the site for the last few weeks. The reason would be the arrival of the stork.) Anyhoo, there I was, minding my own beeswax, sitting at my PC and web surfing after being stuck in bed with a bad back all day, when Dana's message pops up on my screen:

"Have you heard of this?"

She didn't have the web link cleverly embedded there like I do, but that's the magic of the world-wide web. Anyway, go ahead and click the link, and then come back. It's okay, I'll wait. Okay back? Cool. I missed you. Anyway, if you didn't click on the "About Flame" button, here is what you missed:

"The WHOPPER(R) sandwich is America's Favorite(TM) burger. FLAME(TM) by BK(R) captures the essence of that love and gives it to you. Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat."

Okay, so you might think was a joke. And, in fact, it might be. I still can't tell. You CAN keep clicking the links until you get to an order page, where you can buy a bottle of the stuff for $3.99. So that makes it seem real. However, it's conveniently all sold out. And the customer reviews are suspiciously funny. So maybe that's all part of the joke too.

But what if it's not a joke? What if one of our largest fast-food chains is now selling meat-scented body spray? And what if enough people bought it so that they actually sold out? What does this say about us as a species? Is it a sign, at last, that we should just give it all up once and for all and let the cockroaches take over?

I'm thinking yes.

28 comments:

Stephen said...

You get some of that BK body spray, Jeff, and your dog will 'love' you forever.

Hostile said...

You know, I appreciate creative marketing, but it appears this crap is real. There's video!

Banana Kid said...

You might be getting that new writing staff for Heroes. Bryan Fuller (the Pushing Daisies dude) is going back to the show now that Daisies is dead. He's doing a few episodes at the end of this season and is full-time on season 4.

Plus they fired two of the main guys, so there's totally some potential for Heroes to suck less.

mario66 said...

when you say arrival of the "stork" do you mean the delivery or the conception part?

parish said...

Jeff, would that even be allowed for Hanukkah? A Whopper is a cheeseburger, and meat and cheese together ain't kosher. You go to tabernacle smelling like that and the rabbi is going to get talmudic on yo' ass.

Anonymous said...

I still say it is one up from Paris Hilton selling a sent. I have never smelled her but I am gussing the smell of vomit and skanky boarder line porn queen is not a thing anyone wants to smell like.

Barrock said...

Who wouldn't want to smell like meat? Parish (J?) brings up an excellent point. Also, you'll probably be tracked down by a trillion dogs. Want a new puppy for Hanukkah?

Anonymous said...

It's not so much what is says about us as a species, it's more what it says about us as Americans. With that in mind, maybe we should give up and surrender ourselves over to the terrorists. This does go a long way toward proving their "white devil" description of us.

Anonymous said...

Hey parish, the Whopper is not actually a cheeseburger. You are thinking of a Whopper w/ cheese. Regular Whoppers do not come with cheese on them.

Anonymous said...

I saw it was only $4 and I was ready to order some... As a joke though...

Kevin Elgar said...

Do you buy those at Burger King stores? I can imagine people bought them to put them on their homemade burgers... lawsuit!

Jailem said...

Not just meat, but flame-broiled meat, so it's a bit smokey. Now I can't imagine that being a turn on, but one need only go to Shawn Elliott's twitter to find stranger things that turn people on.
As for it being a signal to give up on the human race. I don't think so. It's just an advertiser, taking an unusual approach to selling burgers, and apparently it worked. First, you wanted to buy some, and second, you passed the message along to all of us. Sounds like a successful campaign to me.
What really disturbs me about this site are the videos that are shown when you press the spray button, and not just the King ones. There is really something unnerving about the strawberry.

Anonymous said...

Oh wow - I love it that the Pip Boy has become somewhat iconic. I see, looking at the comments above, that some people are using him as their avatar. That is just awesome.

If I could have just one thing for Christmas, I'd like a Pip Boy T-shirt, or maybe a Pip Boy mouse pad or something. (Is that what this blog is about - to say what useless thing we want for Christmas? Jeeze, I have to admit, this blog kind of confused me a bit. I don't know... it just seemed to lack... purpose.)

But anyway, I'm so damned disappointed with myself for not having bought the collector's edition of Fallout 3 - now that I've actually seen the Fallout 3 lunch box, I really do covet it.

I've still got my GTA 4 lock box, though. I keep all of my spare cash in it. It's damned sturdy too, so if I ever get me any burglars in this here humble abode of mine then at least I'll know that they'll have one hell of a time trying to get at my cash.

And my zorkmid coin too! The zorkmid coin is my pride and joy. I got it free from Infocom when I ordered Zork 2 and Zork 3 concurrently.

That was a long time ago though.

I've grown up since then.

And speaking of spare cash, it turns out that the Sasquatch I filmed from my recent hiking trip wasn't an actual Sasquatch - so I'm not going to become a millionaire just yet. The guy I contacted at The National Geographic Magazine said that what I had photographed was 'really just a weird looking shadow' - he admitted that the image resembled a Sasquatch, now that I had pointed it out to him, but said, in the end, that no it was just a shadow, and that The National Geographic wasn't presently paying good money for pictures of shadows.

Yeah, whatever.

The Goose.

Orgun said...

On that BK website...did you guys click "spray" a few times, its hilarious yet disturbing :)

Toyboxx said...

If Burger King is good at, besides their Whoppers, is marketing. Kudo's to the marketing staff for creating an outlandish advertisment that will most definantly raise some eye brows, as was demonstrated by this blog. The only way to find out if this is real is to call your local BK resturant and ask. If anything they should know.

Anonymous said...

Oh hey, I get it now - that Pipboy avatar, giving the thumbs up signal, represents Charisma.

Yeah, okay, I get it now. I'm a bit slow sometimes.

The Goose.

Robert said...

That was pretty... unsettling.

Macroe said...

Is it my imagination or does The King have an oh-so-slight resemblance to the owner and gracious host of this blog? Change the hair color, add the beard plus crown and there you go. No comments about the robe and chimney.

Disturbing indeed!

Macroe said...

And Jeff, the GWJ podcast: really great. The Ryan Scott intro, classic. Thanks!

Aaron M said...

Just go with the Wire dvd set. It's what I bought myself! Hooray!

G-Man said...

The sexy king cannot be unseen. I think I need a new pair of eyes for Christmas.

Gordon said...

We got it in the office this past week and it doesn't smell anything like meat, burgers, or flames of any sort: http://aht.seriouseats.com/archives/2008/12/we-smell-burger-king-flame.html

Diego said...

It must be cow feromones... mmm really tasty...

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