Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The Kid Who Doesn't Give A Shit

Here's a short story.

The Kid Who Doesn't Give A Shit
By Jeff Green

Johnny Johnson just doesn't give a shit. He so doesn't give a shit, that he doesn't even give a shit that he doesn't give a shit. That's how badass he is. And he is fucking 5 years old. Does that bother you? Guess what? Johnny Johnson doesn't give a shit. See?

That's why all the adults in town love Johnny Johnson. Even the parents of the kids who Johnny Johnson beats up. They are glad, if you want to be completely honest about it. That's right, they say. Kick my kid's ass, Johnny Johnson. We trust you. He must deserve it, if you're doing it.

And Johnny Johnson just glares at the parents. For like a whole minute. Man, he finally says. You think I give a shit? And he shakes his head and walks right out of the goddamn room without saying another thing or looking back or anything. Like a goddamn glorious gladiator.

Man. That kid sure is cool one dad says.

He sure goddamn is says another.

Fist bump.

Totally.

Boom.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

14 comments:

CitizenSwift said...

Having a bad day, Jeff? :(

Anonymous said...

If this isn't about America's relationships with their politicians then it should be.

Anonymous said...

I was going to ask what this story was all about, and then I realized that I don't give a shit.

Anonymous said...

This is about Steve Jobs, right?

Josue Feliciano said...

I'm guessing he was testing that iPad software, but regardless the story was entertaining :)

Jeff Green said...

Yeah, I was just messing around with the iPad software. :) I didn't actually mean to post this. But oh well. :)

Eric Jordan said...

Might I recommend Blogsy instead? It's basically the best blogging App for iPad.

Ed Stastny said...

JJ should meet Sendak's Pierre.

Anonymous said...

But what new plants and zombies can we expect in PvZ2?????

My daughter just found PvZ and loves it. When her grandmother called to tell her about plants, my daughter asked if there's a bazombie on her lawn. She thinks the bazombies say BRAAAAVE.

Jeff. You are such a beautiful human being.... I miss hearing your voice.

Unknown said...

I love this! You need to collaborate with someone to make this into a kids book in the vein of "Go the F*CK to Sleep!"

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Dave Swift said...

I'm sitting in a car dealership, not giving a shit, actually I did moments ago in the restroom. For some reason, as I was sitting there, I thought of Jeff Green and turning to the last page of CGW before reading anything else. Imagine my delight to find this blog years later. Jeff, I'm in my mid-twenties now, and your writing strongly influenced me as I developed, which is really scary. Your style and humor still lives in me. I fondly remember your Greenspeak about playing The Sims, before they sold billions, and how it took over your life. Please write here more often. I need this. You can't get kids hooked and then take off. I know you procrastinate, but some of your best stuff has come out of that acknowledgment. Thanks for making me lol over the years.

Anonymous said...

I think this is commentary on american foreign and policy.

Anonymous said...

Wait until he meets the kid that doesn't give a rat's ass.