Saturday, August 15, 2009

Alf Wiedersehen

Okay, I know it's actually "auf" and not "Alf," but if I had said that, then I wouldn't have had any good reason to put this in my post:

So I'm hoping you will forgive me.

Anyhoo, I'm off to Germany tomorrow. Yay? Kind of yay. I mean, I'm looking forward to the GamesCom convention, which I've never attended, and I'm also looking forward to Cologne, which I've never visited, but, hey, travel is exhausting, and I'm going without my family, and I'm going for work anyway, not "fun." Still, it could be worse. I'm staying at the Hilton, for one, and I don't have to share a room with any other probably-smelly EA employee, and the "work" I'm doing is just demoing MySims Agents, which is something I really enjoying doing. BECAUSE THE GAME IS GREAT AND YOU SHOULD ALL BUY IT.

I'm going to be in Cologne from Monday-Saturday, leaving Saturday morning. So if you were planning on seeing me at the convention, don't wait until the weekend! I will already be gone. I'm "behind closed doors" for most of the show, but will also be checking in at the main EA booth on the show floor, and will also be wandering around whenever EA lets me off my leash. (And if you happen to be a member of Kraftwerk, and you're reading this, and you're gonna be in Cologne, please stop by so I can worship you for a moment, because I do: I worship you.)

My favorite German band, rocking out.

Besides stalking Kraftwerk, my other goals on this trip include:
1) Not getting fired
2) Getting in a good walking tour of the city, or at least the highlights.
3) Making significant progress in Chrono Trigger
4) Sampling as many fine German beers as I can. Apparently, the local specialty is something called Kolsch. This sounds good to me, so I will probably have quite a few of these. If you'd like to buy me one, I'll probably accept. I haven't had a beer in 3 weeks in anticipation of this trip, so my beer gut, at this point, has all but totally deflated. In theory, that's a good thing. Well, in reality it is too. But look. I'm not going all the way over there, to what is essentially The Beer Country, and not loading up on the stuff. I may be concerned about my health and appearance, but I'm no moron either. So let's fuckin'drink up!

I will also be doing the requisite tweeting (@greenspeak), and will hopefully get at least one or two blog posts and photos up over at I think we're gonna have a hub set up for Cologne, but if not, try here.

I do, as usual, have lots more to say, and have many more blog posts in my head that have not translated to this space yet--my AT&T rant, the next Motorcycle Diary post, my Rock Band dilemma, and more--but sadly, I am a busy man, and must pack and get ready and all that.

So for now I bid you adieu, but I shall be floating around the information superhighway here this coming week, live from Cologne, with important and exciting infotainment for your infotainment pleasure!



JSD said...

Jeff, have a great time! And if there's ever a gaming convention on Oahu you're attending, let us know...

Unknown said...


Make sure you check out the plethora of bizarre record stores in Cologne. Ring, Schallschock, and Normal are all super cool. But, most of all, go to Kompakt! It's my favorite record store in Europe.


Anonymous said...

Germany, eh?

Home to Adolph Hitler and the Third Rike.

They also started The First World War - so not exactly a peaceable group, them Germans.

While you're over there, do us all a favor, and try to find out if they're planning on invading Poland or Austria any time soon? The term that they'll use for this will be Annex.

Also, you might want to keep your return plane ticket handy, because if you discover that they've got plans to kill another six million jews then you might want to... you know... get the hell out of there.

And whatever you do, don't go anywhere near a street or a road. The Germans don't have speed limits, see, meaning that when they're not invading Poland, or Austria, or killing six million jews, then they're all busy trying to drive their automobiles as though they're Michael Schumacher.


Clearly a difficult country.

Unknown said...

have fun in Germany, its awesome here.

Und trink ja nicht zu viel Bier :)

Raphael said...

Argh! Too bad you're already be leaving on Saturday, which is the day I'll be attending Gamescom. Well, see you next year then.

Anonymous said...

Green, your Twitter feed makes your life seem so damned exciting - do you realize this?

First you're at E.A., then you're at a wedding, then you're boarding some damned fool flight for Germany via business class - it all sounds so worldly. And here I am stuck in damned Lynn Valley.

I hope that when you return from Naziland (I hear that 'Mr. Hitler's Wild Ride Through Europe' is a fantastic theme-park-ride) you'll write about this experience in grave detail.

You could juxtapose (sorry to use such big words, Green) the experience of traveling through Europe as an older person with the experience of traveling through it as a younger guy.

In the former situation (being an older person) one has the money to see more things, but not the time for it. And in latter situation one of course has the time to go everywhere, and to see everything, but not the money for it.

Whatever you do, don't blog about going to Germany and not see anything of Germany. I've read so many such similar blogs this summer that if I read another I'm going to be sick all over it - each time I read one of these I'm reminded of Shawn Elliott's disdain for the way gaming journalists will always begin their reviews of WW2 games with the same tired cliches... "I was in Paris last week, and saw nothing of Paris... oh god, it's just horrible..." - yeah, whatever.

But, see, this is exactly why you need to write about your travels through Europe in juxtaposition. (Sorry!)

i.e. for your kid.

They say that youth is wasted on the young - yeah? I'll bet that when you were in Europe the first time you weren't completely aware that this was going to be a one-time thing. I mean, you couldn't possibly have known back then, what your life would be like now - right?

If you were to write about your own experiences in Europe when you were younger, then when your own kid heads off to Europe she'll likely keep it mind how this really is a one-time thing.

Parents have no idea how much this stuff means to their kids.

Also, it would give me something interesting to read.

Okay, thanks.

I sure hope that they stick you with The Great Unwashed for your return flight - you could get spoiled pretty quickly riding up there with the big wigs. We like you better when you're green. Get it. Ha - when you're green! Man I crack myself up.

Ryan S said...

That picture of Alf just made my day.

Ben said...

The word 'infotainment' hurts my brain.

James Joule III said...

Good news!
The Kraftwerk Box release is finally coming to America.

link! (Yes, this is the Onion. No, this is not fake news)

Thanks for going over to Germania and sorting that out for us, Jeff!

Phil said...

Have fun. I've been out here with the Army for a few years now. (I even bought a house)
It's a great time. I doubt you will be able to do much in a couple of days but get over the jet lag though.

Anonymous said...

WTF, and now a Dragon Age mug - what the hell is god up to? Can the lovin' be spread around a little more than this? I just don't get it?

I hope that on your return flight back home they seat you in between two fat, smelly guys in economy class and that your mug breaks down in the cargo hold.

Not happy.

Anonymous said...

Well, your Twitter feed has got me a bit upset. I'm sorry to be posting about this again, but, dash it, the unfairness of this has been... what's the phrase I'm searching for here... eating away at me.

The Collector's edition of Dragon Age, which, according to my receipt from EB, I pre-ordered on January 27'th of this year, comes with a cloth map, a tin box, some in-game shit that will likely unbalance the early part of the game for those who actually equip their characters with it, a 'making-of' DVD (and by the way, whatever Shawn Elliott is working on, I hope to god that they create a 'making of DVD', and that Elliott will feature prominently in it), and lastly, Blood Dragon Armor... for, get this, Mass Effect 2... possibly the single most useless feature I've ever seen in a collector's edition: "Hey, I know... let's give them an in-game item for a game that hasn't even been released yet!" What marketing genius thought that one up?

But no mug.

So here's what I propose.

A contest.

A Dragon Age mug contest. You make up a contest, Green, and the winner gets your Dragon Age mug

I'm just having a really difficult time processing this. How does a guy who's life is so blessed end up with a Dragon Age mug on top of it all. It's like opening a box of Cracker Jacks and seeing that the prize is a tin of Beluga caviar.

(And by the way, God, if you're reading this right now, then do us all a favor, yeah, and try spreading the lovin' around a little better - either that, or fuck off. Are you even aware that Jeff is Jewish? Um, memo. His people helped to kill your son. And HE'S the guy you've chosen to give the mug to. I'm sorry, but I just don't get that.)


It's full of sadness.

Robert Coffey.

Anonymous said...

WTF - another upgrade on the airline?

I hope your plane crashes into the Atlantic. Then we'll see how useful your upgrade was.

And by the way, life isn't like a game, you know - you're not going to pop your head up out of the water to discover that you're the sole survivor, and that the city of Rapture is right there before you.

In reality when the plane crashes you die, the sharks eat your corpse, and your Dragon Age mug floats alllllllllllllllllllllll the way down and lands on the bottom of the ocean.

I'm just picturing that right now - ooooooh that makes me feel good.

Jesus, this blog is just a constant reminder of how sucky my life is in comparison with some others. I might have to unbookmark you, Green.

Stephen said...

When you land in Germany ask the limo driver to take you to the place where they mocapped the Nazi zombies for Wolfenstein.

Gringor said...

schöne grüßeaus "upset-leipzig"? :D

Jonathan Crossley said...

Jeff, I noticed you are currently reading The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. I had to read the book this past summer as an English assignment, and I hoping to hear your thoughts on what is truly an amazing book. Maybe the next episode of Out Of The Game?

Anonymous said...

Green, do you watch Steam for the weekend sales?

Call Of Juarez: Bound In Blood is 30% off this weekend. I was waiting for that.

This will be my game for the upcoming Labour Day Weekend. I had been hoping to play Batman Arkham Asylum, which looks magnificent (the demo was just out of this world), but of course the developer delayed it - the official word being that they're implementing PhysX support, but who knows if that's the real reason.

Arkham Asylum is THE sleeper hit of the year - no question about it.

But you might want to check into Call Of Juarez: Bound In Blood.

I liked the demo a lot. The NPCs have that charming glow about them, which I've seen in The Movies, and in Jade Empire, and in a couple of other games. It just looks like a fun shooter in general, and a great way to spend Labor Day.

I love Steam.

Hated it when it was forced on me by Valve during the launch of Half Life 2. But now I wonder how I ever lived without it?

Wabe. Er, The Goose, I mean.

Anonymous said...

Jeff, after listening to your podcast, I now crave a video or picture tour of the ea office. =(

Anonymous said...

I thought that we might've gotten a new blog - I mean, today being Sunday and all.

And didn't Jeff do some traveling last week?

He should be blogging about all the fantastic shit that's been going on in his life. At least write some kind of blog apologizing to the AT&T people - if you're going to slag off a communications company in public then you should at least man-up and apologize publicly.

Jeff Green said...

Hey I said on Twitter that AT&T got it right. And that's the same forum on which I slagged them. So I'd say it's even steven, Mr. Anonymous!

mario66 said...

Jeff- i will be going to PAX this year and was planning on going to the Brodeo reunion show. waht i am wondering is if i need to line up in advance? will the room be large enough to hold everyone? if i do have to line up ill skip the giantbomb podcast because i dont want to miss this reunion show.

Anonymous said...

Isn't this live thing going to change the dynamic? Are there plans to do a second show behind closed doors perhaps?

Anyhow, break a leg.

Just remember, we love you guys for who you are - this probably goes without saying, but there's no need to perform. Just be yourselves and it'll be great.

robert said...

update you blog lazy jeff

mario66 said...

great to meet you Jeff at PAX and the meetup. you are a class act 110%.

The Brodeo reunion show was kick ass and was well worth the trip to seatle alone.

peace out

p.s im very hung over and going to sleep for 2 days. luckily i bought my wife a marc jacobs purse at Nordstroms before i came back thus buying me these days of rest ha ha ...genius!

Anonymous said...

Hey, Jeff, Home is the best place to be when you're sick. Imagine if you had gotten ill in, say, Germany.

Now you can lie in bed and be thankful that you've got a roof over your head and a comfortable place in which to convalesce.

Get out the Campbell's chicken noodle soup!

Gringor said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gringor said...

heard about you being sick on the ea-podcast today.

hope you are already back on your feet!

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Anonymous said...

Hey, what the?


Is that spam? Is that what that is.

Hey, spam guy, Jeff's not feeling well, so buzz off, and go sell your shoes to somebody else. Jeff's convalescing here.

Jeff, drink lots of natural cranberry juice with no sucrose or glucose in it. Natural cranberry juice. That's what you need.

And Campbell's chicken noodle soup.

Get well soon. The nerd flu - god I love that.

Rich said...

Jeff you are so gay for not updating your blog.

Anonymous said...

Well he lives close to San Francisco, where all those people are waiting for the big one to come (the earthquake).

Myles Schaller said...

Hey Jeff, it's Myles! It's been a long time, I can't find your email - could you send it to Myles.(mylastname)

Anonymous said...

Hey Jeff, just listened to Out of the Game #13.

On the subject of Batman: if you have the special Steam account, you're all set.


Anonymous said...

Hey, Anonymous above, the reason I was posting here was to say to Green that last night I played the first half hour of Batman, and was completely floored by it - and that if he doesn't have Batman yet that, well, dash it, he should get it.

That was maybe the single greatest introduction to a game I've ever experienced. The first ten minutes in particular were just stunning.

The combat in this game, at the highest level of difficulty, is very satisfying once you get the hang of it (no pun intended). But I mean everything in this game is working. I thought that the demo for this was great, but the actual game itself is maybe a masterpiece.

THIS is what gaming is all about.

This is a cross platform title that's received an incredible amount of attention for the PC version, which is a rare occurrence these days.

What did the chaps say about it on Out Of The Game? If they said bad things about it then I might have to stop listening to the show.

Episode 13 eh?

I'll have to listen to that.

The Goose.

Anonymous said...

Also, Green, another heads up: Riddick Dark Athena is selling on D2D for $5.

The sale ends this weekend.

I didn't play the original game, so this was a no-brainer for me... but even if you did play the original game, this updated version is certainly worth $5.

I had been waiting for this title to go on sale, because right now, where I live, it's still selling for $49.

This was just an awesome deal. I try not to use that word, but sometimes it's just appropriate.

Also, I just listened to Out Of The Game EP13, and Shawn is right. Batman is completely worthy of your money (I honestly feel that it's a masterpiece). But whatever you do, buy the PC version. The PC version was given special attention, and it really shows.

The Goose.

Fred said...

Hmmmm. This blog needs more updates.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, what Fred said.

Since the last update our man Green has gone to Germany, been to a reunion, gotten severely ill (and by the way, the reason they call it 'swine flu' is that when you get it you have an overwhelming urge to phone up the person who gave it to you and say to him: "You swine!" Ha - I just made that up!), recovered, and then not played Batman, which is easily the best game of the year so far.

I'm hoping for something tomorrow. I might cancel my subscription though.

Anonymous said...

dear jeff i have been a fan of CGW since a random december issue(with a green grinch like monster on it?) i picked up in 5th grade on the way to go to laws vegas (idk what my mom was thinging) so i could read on the plane ride, i was just getting into computers and the 300+ pages had me memorized for ever and ever i read that one mag for months and months until i begged my mom to subscribe, and was a loyal customer until CGW turned into maxim or fhm w/e that was, you were always funny and my brain is slowing anyway who was that black guy that did the tech section for awhile he was genius.

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