Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Rude awakening.

Good grief. Well this is a new one. I am sitting here at my keyboard at home, coffee in hand, and nursing a sore leg and sore lip. Why? Thanks for asking! I shall tell you! Because just about 10 minutes ago, while still sound asleep, I was dreaming that some lowlife was stealing my motorcycle. It was parked a few feet away on the college campus I was at, where I was looking through the new math book I had just bought. When I looked up from the book and saw the punk trying to make off with the bike, I yelled and leaped at him with all my force. Unfortunately, I apparently did that in real life too. Yes, while sound asleep at 7:15 a.m., I suddenly yelled "NOOOOO!" out loud and propelled myself off the bed, banging into the nightstand and landing on the floor. Needless to say, I was now awake, sore, bewildered, feeling stupid, and with a little dog licking my face and wagging her tail because apparently this was some new game I was making up that seemed like a heck of a lot of fun.

So, um, yeah. Good morning everyone.


Unknown said...

And now my morning is just that much brighter. Well done Jeff.

I've been know to "play basketball" in my sleep before, but I've never sustained injuries.

Anonymous said...

Good Morning, sir.

At the very least, no one is shooting at you. (That's my new mantra.)

Anonymous said...

Hahahaaerrr, I mean, geez. That sucks. At least it's a story you'll get a lot of mileage out of.

Unknown said...

Did you tell him he wasn't the lord of the rings too? Good post as always.

Anonymous said...

That sounds like a fun game, I'm sure your dog will look forward to repeat performances.

Anonymous said...

Between this and the Lord of the Rings dream you might want to get checked out

Anonymous said...

I "dreamt" I was peeing in my closet once.

Probably a lot less painful.

Anonymous said...

Always good to know someone had a worse morning than I've had, I appreciate the boost.

Unknown said...

And your first reaction is "oh man, I am so blogging this".

Thank you for your service sir.

peterh said...

You should check out some of Mike Birbiglia's stuff on sleepwalking. I think that it may make you feel better about leaping out of bed to defend your motorcycle.

Brain Blurbs said...

'less gaming, more biking!' Your bike is trying to tell you that it feels neglected ;)

If it makes you feel any better:
I dragged my very pregnant wife out of bed, while we were under attack. I made her hide and was yelling all kinda things.
Of course I was sleeping, but it did all happen for real. My wife was not impressed really ;)

(I am military)

Anonymous said...

I was shooting super mutants in a dreamfershol last night, although did not jump out of bed!

Anonymous said...

If only it was Sauron stealing your bike.

Unknown said...

*sigh*... I came here to make a "You're not the Lord of the Rings!" joke, but it's clear I'm far too late... :-(

Anonymous said...

Thanks for my noon time laugh. And that image will be in my head all day.

Eric Majkut said...

My condolences for your face, Jeff :)

BLAM-O said...

Man, Jeff, you really ARE a Fall Risk. Oh, and here's your teeth...

Anderson said...

I did the same thing, except it was a Left 4 Dead dream and I'm not 100 years old.

Anonymous said...

If it makes you feel any better, your ruined morning has completely salvaged my ruined morning!
Two wrongs DO make a right!

Slapshot said...

I wish I could laugh at you but I've done similar things in my sleep, with injurious results.

And I can't even say that my stunts were as noble as trying to stop someone from stealing your bike.

Unknown said...

After some laughing, one kind of starts to think. Does that bike represent your acuired status from/by EA? Then, are you so terrified to loose this position, you're afriad you'll have to start over from the beginning (being the association with school). Didn't think you were so serious about the "Do not get fired"-joking.
..Or is that bike just so damn precious to you. :D

Love the post. Thanks

Rhody said...

Do things like this more often.

Unknown said...

Hahaha...that's a great way to wake up. I always have that dream where I'm back in school either playing kickball or soccer and I go to kick the ball, and either kick my girlfriend in bed or the air.

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of your "I am NOT the Lord of the Rings!" story. Lol

Anthony said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anthony said...

Deleted that post cuz I was WAY too late with the Lord of the Rings joke. Dammit! There's only so many times you get a chance to make that joke with a small crowd of people! Curses!

MSUSteve said...

I always wondered if people did stuff like that coming out of a dead sleep. I mean, you see it in movies all the time, but I've never heard of it in real life. Thanks for taking one for the team and sharing Jeff.

David Doel said...

Oh man! It's times like this I wish there was still a GFW with you on it. Would have made me laugh into unconsciousness like your "You're not the Lord of the Rings!" dream.

Unknown said...

The only other thing we can be sure of is that this shady character is not the lord of the rings.

Anonymous said...

Most importantly, what math book was it?!

Anonymous said...

all i can say is Epic Fail

Fuzzmaster said...

Jeff- you really need to read this:


My heart goes out to you, man.

Anonymous said...

haha, oh jeff.

woh woh.

ICallItFutile said...


Unknown said...

Well, the important thing is that you successfully prevented your bike from being stolen in your dreams. That means it'll still be there the next time you go to sleep.

Just try not to get in a wreck in your dreams-- who knows what THAT would end up like in the real world.

TimLaws said...

At least you didn't break a hip. That means you still have a little bit of your youth remaining.

J T 0 N said...

I wish my dreams were that awesome. Not the pain, but I would laugh about that later.

"You are not the lord of my bike!"

Anonymous said...

You're not the lord of the motorcycles!!!! seek help brother, they have pills for this lol.

Anonymous said...

Good morning to you too! I had a similar experience when I dreamt that I was running over a mother with two kids in a zebra-crossing. In my sleep I did some crazy Exorsist frantic sprint out of my bed and woke up screaming on the floor.

Tydigame said...

Lol. Once, when I was sleeping over at a girlfriend's place, I had a dream that this dog ran up to me and emitted a kind of howling bark. My eyes opened while I was still making the sound, and it took me a second to piece together that I was howling out loud in my sleep. I woke my girlfriend who was sleeping next to me, and her roommate on the bunk above us (don't ask).

MrCHUPON said...

"Noooooooooooo!" *entire bedroom implodes*

Anonymous said...

At least you didn't hit your wife during your flying leap.

Have you ever hit her before? My wife and I have only been married three months, and we've slugged each other in our sleep numerous times.

At least I'm sleeping when I do it. She could be wide awake and just getting back at me for something stupid I did that day.

Thanks for the story, Jeff. :)

darvoid said...

You have the best dreams ever!

John said...

Haha! That was a great. I wouldn't be surprised if your wife requested to sleep in separate beds a la Dick Van Dyke from now on.

Anonymous said...

Hmm, next you'll be dreaming that you passed out in the kitchen while arguing with your wife, spent the night in hospital, went to France, came back, caught pneumonia, suffered the loss of the family cat, got sick with the flu, lost your job as editor in chief of the greatest gaming magazine there ever was, eventually quit, landed a fantastic job with EA as a game designer, and... er, lived happily ever after?

Nah, all that could never happen.

God dreams are just so unreal aren't they.

Michael Adamek said...

Since there has not been a November 26th follow-up posting, I guess we can assume the worst happened this morning.

Peter G said...

It is sad that the misfortune of others can make me laugh but HA that's a funny story!


Anonymous said...

Crazy! I don't know if you listen to This American Life, but a couple of months ago, they did a story similar to this. Except, it was with the comic Mike Birbiglia, who jumped out of a 2 story window. Go back and find it, it's totally worth a listen.

Stephen said...

"Hi! My name is 'Jeff' and I'm a complete and utter spaz."

Crayon said...

Hah, you paint a vivid picture.

I recall having some sort of twisted child abuser (think more Captain Hook than anything genuinely horrible) appear in one of my dreams. I instinctively struck with a blow to the gut. Unfortunately this turned out to be a wall. Thankfully, sleep is a good sedative.

Anonymous said...

At least you still have your dignity, right?

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