Every time I am out in a public place, I am reminded once again that I hate humanity. Not everyone, of course. Certainly not you people. And my friends and family. But as a species, I believe that, mostly, we kind of suck, especially when it comes to being in public spaces together. Like movies. Or on the road. Or, like today--at the museum.
Today, in celebration of my last weekday without any work responsibility (I start at EA on Monday), The Missus and I hopped on my new motorcycle and ventured over to the DeYoung
Museum in San Francisco to check out an exhibit by Dale Chihuly, an extraordinary glassblower, but also referred to, by a friend of mine, who experienced this first-hand when a waitress many years back, as "the one-eyed no-tipping freak." But hey, I wasn't there to serve him food, so I didn't care about that part. His artwork was, in fact, incredible. Like, check this shit out:
Actually, I shouldn't call it "shit." That's all glass. It may be hard to see how cool this is in the little photo, but trust me, it's really cool. So, okay, the exhibit was astounding. It reminds us, as do all great art exhibits, how incredibly talented and visionary certain humans are, while the rest of us are sitting on our duffs watching Project Runway. I mean this in the best way possible, so no reason for us to mope. We need our geniuses. Plus, some of them are lousy tippers. So fuck them anyway.
But the real point of this blog is what I said up top: I hate humanity. Because, here's the thing: People--especially grownups--do not know how to behave in public. Did it matter that there was a guard in every single one of the 11 rooms of the exhibit saying over and over and over "NO FLASH PICTURES?" No, apparently it did not. Because even 11 rooms later, the same assholes were still taking flash pictures. One guy even argued the point after getting yelled at. "I don't see why not!" Here's why not: SHUT THE FUCK UP. That's why not. You don't get to make the rules, okay? At your house, people can take flash pictures if you say so. Not here. And you were told that 10 rooms ago. Plus, all the photo taking, even without the flash, was driving me crazy. Some people were almost literally seeing the exhibit through their viewfinder, barely looking up to actually see the artwork that they had paid to see right in front of their noses. And you know what? None of those pictures you're taking are going to be one-tenth as good as the photos you can buy right in the store on your way out. If you must have pictures of them. Which I also don't understand.
Another gripe: Must you talk at full volume all the way through the exhibit? Do I really have to hear your uninformed, baseless pontificating about something you clearly know nothing about? "Clearly Chihuly must have been obsessed with Monet at some point!" O RLY? Based on what? What are you even talking about? Because they both use color? Or is Monet just the one artist you heard of, so you think if you say that out loud we'll all believe you know what you're saying? And even if you do happen to be an art historian of 30 years with a specialization in Chihuly And His Connection To Monet, I don't want to hear it right now, mmmmkay? I'll download your lecture on iTunes if forced to at gunpoint. All I want to do is look at the art and form my own opinions. Is that too much to ask?
Finally, and I say this with as much love and compassion as I can muster: Please shower and lose weight. I don't want to go on about this point. Maybe I just happened to show up on special Fat and Smelly Person Discount Day. "Over 400 pounds? Smell like week-old salmon! Come on in!"
Now having said all this, let me clarify that I actually had a good time. The DeYoung museum is beautiful. The artwork was fantastic. I think it's clear that Chihuly has some kind of affinity for Monet. And the motorcycle ride, both there and back, was fan-freakin-tastic. This new bike is so much bigger and badassier than anything I've ridden before, it's like I've had my motorcycle Bar Mitzvah and am now A Man. And like many a man before me, I think what is in order at this juncture in time, with this blog post now coming to a close, is a nice tall beer.
So, cheers, and happy Friday everyone!