Today, in celebration of my last weekday without any work responsibility (I start at EA on Monday), The Missus and I hopped on my new motorcycle and ventured over to the DeYoung
Museum in San Francisco to check out an exhibit by Dale Chihuly, an extraordinary glassblower, but also referred to, by a friend of mine, who experienced this first-hand when a waitress many years back, as "the one-eyed no-tipping freak." But hey, I wasn't there to serve him food, so I didn't care about that part. His artwork was, in fact, incredible. Like, ch
eck this shit out:Actually, I shouldn't call it "shit." That's all glass. It may be hard to see how cool this is in the little photo, but trust me, it's really cool. So, okay, the exhibit was astounding. It reminds us, as do all great art exhibits, how incredibly talented and visionary certain humans are, while the rest of us are sitting on our duffs watching Project Runway. I mean this in the best way possible, so no reason for us to mope. We need our geniuses. Plus, some of them are lousy tippers. So fuck them anyway.
But the real point of this blog is what I said up top: I hate humanity. Because, here's the thing: People--especially grownups--do not know how to behave in public. Did it matter that there was a guard in every single one of the 11 rooms of the exhibit saying over and over and over "NO FLASH PICTURES?" No, apparently it did not. Because even 11 rooms later, the same assholes were still taking flash pictures. One guy even argued the point after getting yelled at. "I don't see why not!" Here's why not: SHUT THE FUCK UP. That's why not. You don't get to make the rules, okay? At your house, people can take flash pictures if you say so. Not here. And you were told that 10 rooms ago. Plus, all the photo taking, even without the flash, was driving me crazy. Some people were almost literally seeing the exhibit through their viewfinder, barely looking up to actually see the artwork that they had paid to see right in front of their noses. And you know what? None of those pictures you're taking are going to be one-tenth as good as the photos you can buy right in the store on your way out. If you must have pictures of them. Which I also don't understand.
Another gripe: Must you talk at full volume all the way through the exhibit? Do I really have to hear your uninformed, baseless pontificating about something you clearly know nothing about? "Clearly Chihuly must have been obsessed with Monet at some point!" O RLY? Based on what? What are you even talking about? Because they both use color? Or is Monet just the one artist you heard of, so you think if you say that out loud we'll all believe you know what you're saying? And even if you do happen to be an art historian of 30 years with a specialization in Chihuly And His Connection To Monet, I don't want to hear it right now, mmmmkay? I'll download your lecture on iTunes if forced to at gunpoint. All I want to do is look at the art and form my own opinions. Is that too much to ask?
Finally, and I say this with as much love and compassion as I can muster: Please shower and lose weight. I don't want to go on about this point. Maybe I just happened to show up on special Fat and Smelly Person Discount Day. "Over 400 pounds? Smell like week-old salmon! Come on in!"
Now having said all this, let me clarify that I actually had a good time. The DeYoung museum is beautiful. The artwork was fantastic. I think it's clear that Chihuly has some kind of affinity for Monet. And the motorcycle ride, both there and back, was fan-freakin-tastic. This new bike is so much bigger and badassier than anything I've ridden before, it's like I've had my motorcycle Bar Mitzvah and am now A Man. And like many a man before me, I think what is in order at this juncture in time, with this blog post now coming to a close, is a nice tall beer.
So, cheers, and happy Friday everyone!
77 comments:
"People--especially grownups--do not know how to behave in public."
Agreed...and then you understand quite quickly why their kids are equally uncontrolled.
Sounds like you had a nice time. :)
stupid people and their living...
Haha. I love it when people spew faux art observations for the sake of sounding well cultured. It's mostly pretentious folk who need confirmation as a security blanket. You should've offered up something along the lines of: "HOLY SHIT, I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT! MONET! YOU MUST BE AN ART PROFESSOR!!"
It's not unlike something you would've heard had it been an architecture exhibit. "He must've really been into Frank Lloyd Wright at the time".
Thanks for the great entry. Have a good weekend and a great first day at work, Jeff!
...awww....I'm fat, does that mean I can't enjoy art? It's hot in Cali too....poor fatties.
:(
/agree
It's almost kind of amazing that people act so stupid. Yes this is America but you are not the center of the universe! I see it everyday, they think they are the ones that matter in the world.
Anyway, that must have been a very interesting exhibit.
Have a great weekend!
"Here's why not: SHUT THE FUCK UP. That's why not." Holy geez Jeff, it's like you know what I'm thinking all the time when I'm out in public! Don't get me started on the jackass that was crunching popcorn and whistling thru his nose in The Dark Knight IMAX experience! Believe me I also understand the museum gripe, I go into Philadelphia a lot and see much of the same in the Philly Museum of Art...drives me insane. I need to get a job as a camera smasher in that place.
That's awesome about your new bike, Jeff. When are you going to post some shots of you in motorcycle action? You should have jumped the art exhibit. As for the people in the museum, they sounded like your typical oxygen-thieves. Glad they didn't ruin your night. Cheers.
Yeah, you run into that everywhere. It's nice to think that the majority of people are smart, decent people but sometimes you just can't seem to find examples of those people.
A little story that shows how fucking ignorant people can be:
I recently visited Vatican City. Going through the Vatican museum was pretty bad in itself, packed as it was... no air conditioning, tour groups of 20 Germans yelling at each other... but I digress. I eventually got to the Sistine Chapel. This is something I have wanted to see my entire life. Everything I have ever seen or read about it paints it as such a serene, peaceful place. And what do I see when I get down there? The whole chapel is fucking PACKED with people. All of whom are taking pictures, flashes going off all over. There were signs on the way in: No flash photography, please be silent out of respect. Not only was the chapel so full that the staff could not possibly stop people from taking pictures, but every 2 minutes, the staff had to actually SHUSH PEOPLE. Such blatant lack of respect for such an unparalleled masterpiece.
So yes. Fuck people. Fuck them in their damn stupid mouth holes.
But I am an art historian with a specialization in Chihuly And His Connection To Monet. :(
Living in DC, we have some great museums. Tourist season is full of great Americans making up half remembered stuff to tell their kids about settling the West or Abraham Lincoln.
"That's the flag they flew when Thomas Jefferson finished the railroad, Billy."
This post makes me even happier to have you as a future coworker. I have to wade through idiots daily on my commute.
You think that's bad - my fiancee and I were at the Art Institute in Chicago and there was a guy and his son stopping at every exhibit and like doing some interpretive pose to be photographed. Like there was this ancient awesome sculpture of Buddha and this jackass in khakis and a Polo shirt had his 13 year old son stand in front of it and fake like this sarcastic meditation pose while he giggled with glee. I mean jesus, what's the point? Just stay at home and google image search "ART" then make your own wacky images in the backyard. It'd probably be more creative and enjoyable for everyone involved.
Please don't ever stop blogging, Mr. Green.
Points definitely taken, Jeff. Those art douches loudly voicing out their thesis are especially bad at the Getty and Museum of Contemporary Art (more so at MoCA as being exposed to modern art cranks pretention up to 11) here in LA. I was facepalming myself throughout the entire Takashi Murakami exhibit due to those bastards. It's distracting as hell.
I actually saw a private display of Chihuly's work when I was visiting family in Seattle a few years ago. My grandma is good friends with the guy, so we had access to some certain rooms in his Tacoma exhibit. Some of the most amazing things I've ever seen.
Happy Friday..
and my wife has a phrase that she uses for the masses of stupidity... "People Bug"
Jeff,
I agree with every word here. It is amazing what people think they can get away with and how they can treat other.
People Suck.
I look forward to every post you make.
I haven't laughed so hard in years.
"Here's why not: SHUT THE FUCK UP." I laugh everytime. Hilarious.
We love you Jeff. Please keep the blog posts coming, even if you are starting to work.
"Plus, all the photo taking, even without the flash, was driving me crazy. Some people were almost literally seeing the exhibit through their viewfinder, barely looking up to actually see the artwork that they had paid to see right in front of their noses."
This is how I've felt at most every concert I have gone to in the past three years.
It's a sense of entitlement that causes people to act like that. It's drilled into our culture.
A little more humility would serve us all well.
It's like when you go to the Grand Canyon and see people taking pictures with a nine dollar disposable camera. Yeah, like that's gonna do it justice...
I was just watching the new episode of the 1upShow. There's quite a few fatties at the Ziff offices, I wonder if they know how you feel about them :(
Whoa, I thought I was the only one that said fan-freakin-tastic. Anyway, glad to see you're having a good time with your new bike. Good luck on Monday, as well! You gotta tell us what its like (as well as all of EA's secret projects).
I really like that you change the subtitle to the blog alot. It keeps stuff fresh. I'm glad your bike is awesome considering the amount of time you're going to spend on it in the future.
Amen, Jeff, amen. People need to STFU sometimes.
Oh, by the way... Everything you seem to eat for dinner sounds so friggin' good.
"And even if you do happen to be an art historian of 30 years with a specialization in Chihuly And His Connection To Monet, I don't want to hear it right now, mmmmkay?"
Holy shit, you have no idea how happy that quote just made me. I go to an art school, almost done thankfully, and I'm around this mentality and environment all the time. It kills me when people don't just enjoy the art around them.
Bravo Jeff. Bravo.
I recommend a nice Blue Moon with a slice of orange. It clearly has connects to Monet.
Well if I can't laugh listening to you on the brodeo, at least I can laugh reading your blog.
Very funny, and I know exactly what you mean. People who bring there cameras... especially video cameras, to art museums is beyond stupid. Imagine some guy inviting you to his house to watch a video of him filming some art in shitty lighting. I hope you don't have to work with one of those guys now that you're away from 1up.
Good luck to you man and looking forward to more blogs.
This is the type of hatred I came to expect from a good Jeff Green rant. Keep it up.
-Jeff Green, where?
(flash, flash, flash)
Now I can sell these pics to TMZ.
re: The "why not?!" bullshit, it's actually because repeated flash photography does damage exhibits over time. The photons coming from your flash do carry some amount of energy and that compounded over years will do its toll on anything.
I have to be honest here - I'm not much of an art-lover. (I'd much rather go for a ride on that awesome looking bike. :) )
My sister and her husband dragged me to an art exhibit once in which this painter chick was displaying her paintings. The paintings were abstract, and when I saw the first of the bunch I immediately spoke my mind (this has gotten me into A LOT of trouble over the years).
I said: "Okay, I may know nothing about art, but ya know... when I look at this gob of paint that appears to have been thrown in a random-like fashion at a canvass, the first thing that pops into my mind is that I could've painted that."
Immediately my sister pips up and says, yes, maybe you could've painted that, but you never would have come up with the idea.
Idea?
Excuse me? There's no idea there. When that apple fell on Newton's head, and he discovered differential calculus as the result - THAT was an idea. What I'm seeing here, I said, is just a blob of paint that's been thrown in a random-like fashion at a canvas...
... and what's this I see...
... oh look, it's a sticker with a price tag on it and it says that 'the artist' is asking for a mere ten thousand dollars for the painting!
At this point I was able to think of but two words to say aloud. The first word was fuck. And the second word was you.
Wabe.
I thought this was going to be another one of your snobby "Berkeley" rants. So, imagine my surprise when you did some judo and complained about the snobs. Very cool.
And, I must agree that people who think the rules aren't for them are very lame.
Don't let the art critics snub you (directly or indirectly). Just bring your personal brand of art critique to the room, Jeff. Videogame art critique. You coulda been like, "I'm definitely seeing Jonathan Mak's explosive and musical brushstrokes in Chihuly's work," or, "This blown glass waxes even more eloquent when dressed in an Okami frame."
Then ask 'em how they like them apples.
Jeff, I give this blog post an A+.
I also give it 5 carrots out of 8 apple danishes. Trust me, that's good.
Couple things:
1) Your cynical view of humanity makes me sad. The majority of people are good and decent folks, it's just the bad apples that stand out. Much like on message boards.
2) Don't be too angry at the people breaking the flash photography rule. Can you really blame them? I mean, did they get thrown out? No? Then it clearly wasn't an important rule. You should be more angry at the Museum staff for not having the conviction to throw people out who break their rules.
In spite of my comments, I do have to admit my first reaction would probably be exactly the same as yours.
Shutup sp0rsk. wanker.
Great blog post Jeff.
Kind of reminds me of how Randal spoke about people in the movie "Clerks". I am in 100% agreement by the way. Glad you had a good time despite the a-holes.
The no flash pictures thing is such a fucking annoyance. I get pissed when I see the flash, when I here the security guard say "Please no flash pictures", and when I get the feeling in my gut to take the douchebags camera and smash it. Honestly I don't want to get to the point where I feel I have to smash some strangers camera but I'm easily irritable.
Conversely on to something that brings joy. The motorcycle how do you feel moving up to a big bike? I ride a Kawasaki Ninja 500 and I've ridden it for 2.5 years. I've been thinking about biting the bullet on a supersport or something bigger with more power. How are you dealing with the power upgrade? I know it's nothing like getting on a crotch rocket but I'm interested in your view.
When I was younger, I always found myself skipping ahead of the parents in hopes of not being associated with their generally poor public behavior. "Maybe if I'm far enough ahead, I won't get publicly embarrassed when they get a stern talking to by the security guard!"
Does your kid do the same?
You must have been extra pissed off with yourself when you took that picture. Mother fuckers.
You are just a fun read. I really have nothing else to say.
I saw a Chihuly exhibit at the Minneapolis Art Institute back in 1999, it was outstanding. Don't remember any flash photographers though, maybe the Minnesota Nice suppresses that urge in what dinks we have.
Just give Mr. Know-it-all the Annie Hall treatment and have Chihuly and Monet show up to tell him he's an uninformed ass. And if you need a Monet stand-in, just give me a ring; I'll grow a wicked-ugly beard.
I do know that most people are good and decent folk. I don't hate humans, as individuals. I'm sayin' that people just don't know how to behave in public anymore--if they ever did. The selfishness of these asshats thinking their inevitably lousy photos was more important than obeying the rules--rules put in place to preserve the very art they were supposedly admiring--just boggled my mind.
Turb0: I've steadily gone up in power with every new bike. Not an uncommon phenomenon. I started on a Ninja 250, went to the Seca II (600), and now have the Vulcan 900. Each new bike felt scary to me at first, for like a day. Then it felt like the best thing I ever did. :)
Know exactly what you mean. Just moved to the DC area, and of course did all the touristy national museums, including the archives where people were using flash on the constitution and shit even though there was high security and multiple guards and signs saying not to. Saving grace: several other patrons looked just as disgusted with those people as I was. People are ridiculous.
That's the thing, though. Even if the flash doesn't hurt the artwork, it directly undermines the atmosphere of the museum and ruins the experience for everyone there. If I wanted constant strobing lights, I would have gone to a club.
And, really, who the fuck saves these photos? At no point in the future are you going to sit down and say "Honey, remember that lovely trip to the museum we took, with the glass sculptures? Let's look through my photos and relive that." Museums shouldn't allow cameras at all, really. Take a photo of yourself in front of the museum if you want to preserve the moment.
Jeff, I hope you realize the irony of having a photo in a post railing against photos. Thanks for not using your flash, at least. :)
I know how you feel, but I'm more much vocal.
I remember one time I went to the movie theater with a buddy of mine(I think we saw The Village), and these assholes walk in late into the movie and spot some of their friends and go, in full volume "Hey man, what are you doing?" to which I answered "Watching a fucking movie, now sit down and shit the fuck up"...fuck...I hate people too, I'm going to go out and push a pregnant woman down some stairs, so there'll be less of us...just kidding
Wait, Fat and smelly people in a museum? I have never witnessed this any time I've gone to the Rijks or the Van Gogh museum. (Amsterdam residentsy has it's perks)The only slightly obese people were security guards.
Oh shit! Big clarification needed: I DIDNT TAKE THE PHOTO ON THIS BLOG! :) I got that off the website I linked to.
I do not bring cameras to museums. Period. Ever.
Was anybody talking on their cell phones?
Worse, were they those Nextel walkie-talkie things?
I fuggin (I like this derivative of the word "fucking" that you've come up with, so I'm gonna use it) hate those things. I seriously don't know how I'd react if someone starting yammering on one of those things in a museum.
I'm glad you started a blog, Jeff. Not just for my own benefit, but because without it your unventilated hatred of all would cause something to rupture.
So visiting the art museum is like going to Comic-con. Except replace "Monet" with "Kirby", "taking pictures" with "taking schwag", and "shower" with "shower with soap and water".
I saw some of his work at the Oklahoma City Museum of Art back in 2005 and it was awesome. Is he touring that piece?
I wonder how much the guards wanted to punch that guy in the face? I mean, they probably get so sick of saying 'no flash photography' a hundred million times a day. What else could NO PICTURES possibly mean?
*sigh*
Wow that really sucks. If it makes you feel any better it's not just Americans who are stupid. My wife and I recently took our honeymoon in London and went to see the British Museum. Never could I have possibly imagined that a place full of such amazing artifacts could be such an awful place to visit.
Not only was the place jam packed from wall to wall with a million people talking at full volume and literally pushing people out of the way to see things, but there were actually people crawling on the artifacts. I mean here you have some Egyptian statue that's survived for thousands of years, and you've got some asshole asian tourist group crawling all over it for their photo ops.
It really ruined what should have been an amazing experience for both of us.
Great post! I laughed a few times at this. I need to do something culturally enriching.
Oooo purdy. But on the topic of people being dicks during things like art exibitions I don't understand it either. I view an art exibition by walking through and looking at the pieces and maybe occasionally making a comment quietly to someone I'm with. But I feel that discussion of the artwork is reserved for later at home or something. Also which Discworld novel are you reading?
You should move to Japan. People actually consider others in public here.
I took the family to Sea World as part of our San Diego vacation this year and I was astounded at the number of people willing to hold up the lines while they attempted (with predictably awful results) to photograph exotic fish in the aquariums.
Hey douchebags--the point is that you're seeing the actual fish, in person, not a shitty photo of one. If you want to see a shitty photo of a guitar fish, use google image search.
If your anything like me, the smallest annoyance grinds the mind which must be told aloud, regardless of how petty it is. After all it's your gripe and no one elses'.
What grinds me the most about people in public is what you just mentioned here on your blog. People insist on speaking above they're normal 'public voices' to express a point for everyone to hear. As if there's an audience with open ears, eager to listen to ever word the feeble of that person whom needs to express. WHO CARES! It doesn't matter who or where; movie theatre's, public restrooms, grocery stores, etc. humanity is full of mindless monkey's!
With that said, I enjoy the blog and good luck on your first day at EA tomorrow.
I had a very similar experience at the human bodies exhibit.
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=3kJmypE1DGQ
It was an amazing exhibit but for whatever reason I was always stuck next to a group of douches in halo shirts going "Ughh! You can see his donger!"
I feel you dude. People suck.
Same thing at the EMP (Experience Music Project) in Seattle. Please see it if you are ever in the area. Amazing stuff.
Here's a fun game. Go to a modern art museum and count how many times you hear "I could paint that" said aloud. My current record is 5! It's fun! After 5 I just said "fuck it" and put headphones. Try to beat that record!
Sorry Jeff, I'm going to use this topic for my own personal rant about museums and behavior that has been stored in my head for a few years.
I used to work at the Science Museum of Minnesota (where I ironically live, go figure.) We had this exhibit (probably the best the museum ever had) called Body Worlds. For those who don't know the exhibit: It is German born, from some crazy mad scientist who wears a fedora all day every day, even when he's handling corpses. The point of the exhibit was actually really interesting: They used real people(donated) displayed them in various positions and then plasticized them all. The end result is a freaky yet very intense and even artistic look at the human body... Unless you were the one working there.
Now there are some keywords you would THINK would light up some torches in peoples head when they think of: Real, human, and it's fucking real. So why do people feel forced to touch the bodies? It doesn't matter that there are huge impossible-to-not-see signs that says Do not touch! (they even omitted the "please" which should signify "Don't fucking touch this, you sick asshole!") not to mention "no photography" and "please be quiet." If they can't follow one rule, they won't follow any of them. I never understood, even until this day, why people would be compelled to touch a real person displayed in a museum. I don't think people would take kindly if I walked up to someone's recently departed family member in a casket and started prodding him with my finger.
Just like NeoGaf, sp0rsk has the ability to ruin blogspot posts too! Please go away and cook some rice in your rice cooker in youe shoebox apartment. Maybe if you live there long enough you will turn Japanese like you have always dreamed of!
Mmmmmm, Beer!
Hey, I'm not against fat people as a rule. Some of my best friends are overweight. I was merely combining it with the smelly + being rude in public thing. But I will moderate my tone against the overweight in future blog posts. That said, if you're indoors and overweight and wasting your time reading this, how about a nice little walk outside!
The last time i took pictures at a some museums it was for my photography class and looking at the stuff there for fun was the last thing on my mind.
and the camera's we had and they gave us some was not normal camera, they was expensive large Film and digtal SLR cameras that was pumping out Pro image quailty for free..
I never take the SLR's out that often any more it weighs like 2 pounds and needs a small bag to carry it.
Oh and those people where morons for using flash anyway as that type of front lighting removes all depth and moody lighting from your pictures.
There are much better ways to get photo lighting thatn using flash 99% of the time, the give better results.
Give them hell tomorrow Jeff!
^ Could have got your point across without degrading to racial remarks.
Good luck tomorrow Jeff with your first day of work! Make us proud. :)
I think we all know that the issue is much bigger than people behaving badly in museums...there is a general lack of manners and consideration in nearly all public gatherings: concerts, theatre performances, museums--why are there so many clueless people? Well, these things are taught--and if there are no parents or adults modeling appropriate behavior then the media and culture is all too happy to fill the void with poor examples. Honestly, if it didn't mean the end of the Chihulys of the world, I'd say 'bring on the apocalypse.'
Awesome post & not so awesome that you had to put up with the art manatees.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eULfywycEjE
I agree with all those people who can follow the rules. i'll admit that i will take pictures if possible. but if they let you take pics but with no flash, they should know better. They should know that you suck at taking pictures because you need flash, when you know there's nothign you can see with an exhibit that's involve dark lighting. I had the same experience when they have that superhero costumes display at the met in nyc. i was trying to use my iphone to take pictures, but there are so many people around me doing flash photography that i was worried about being caught just for holding my iphone. people are just stupid sometimes.
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