Monday, September 22, 2008

Wow, am I tired.

So THAT'S what it's like to have a first day on the job as a new guy. I'm exhausted--and I didn't even do anything. Plus, just as I suspected, I couldn't find the bathroom when I needed it. Fortunately, there was no soiling of pants involved. Sure, I hopped around a little, whistled loudly as a way to stem the tide, focused on baseball scores, and did the bending-over-with-my legs-crossed-while-holding-my-breath thing. But I'm sure no one noticed. Anyway, someone did finally take pity on me, and pointed me in the right direction. Unfortunately, I only made it as far as the sink. Let's hope EA doesn't have security cameras in the men's room. Note to EA security: just kidding. No need to review the tape. Anyway that guy just looks like me.

Other than that, I don't have much to report yet. My new co-workers are great--as I suspected they would be. Sodas are 25 cents. There is supposedly a profanity jar, which I didn't see, but, if it really exists, is going to contain a lot of my money that would otherwise be going to sodas. I have two monitors, which means I can play Peggle on one screen while monitoring my progress in Dungeons and Dragons Tiny Adventures on the other. I ate two tacos from a taco bar. I won a copy of The Orange Box PC for successfully answering a trivia question in the orientation. I ordered my iPhone. I opened my new email inbox and found 82 messages waiting for me. I ate two cookies. I received an EA coffee mug. I wrote my name on a card.

Certainly, the days ahead are going to be a bit more momentous and productive, in terms of actual work accomplished. But I don't know if many more days are going to be as exhausting as this one.

Holy shit: I'm the new guy.

I better get some rest.

93 comments:

DL said...

Good job.
Enjoy.

PS- Save your money for sodas- which are far more tasty for the mouth- though not the ear. I would not recommend trying that.

Josh O'neal said...

God speed Lt. Green. Oh, and if you could get me a part in "The Sims" movie that would be sweet. If not Blizzard already gave me a birthday present by releasing WOTLK three days before my birthday.

protocolsnow said...

Looks like you had a pretty official orientation and everything. How many other new hires are there?

Good luck!!

B Smith said...

Congratulations, let's mark the official tally at one day without being fired. Keep the streak alive!

Drew said...

You should start a new savings account, and every month you could use what you've saved to curse at work non-stop.

Tom Quinn said...

Way to go, Jeff! Knock 'em dead!

feitclub said...

Sodas for a quarter? Taco bar? Prize-winning trivia questions at Orientation? Dual monitors? Sounds like the best first day in the history of first days. On my first day I had introduce myself to a room full of strangers. In Japanese.

RetroBob said...

re: OMG I'm the new guy - you have something to look forward to... there's that relieving feeling the next time someone starts, you are no longer the new guy!

Robert said...

Haha! I so wish there would've been a camera team following you around for at least your first week. Jeff Green, the Show. Awesome.

Anonymous said...

What's all this about winning a free game? And sodas that only cost twenty five cents? And EA actually has a Taco Bar? WTF?

The only thing I can think of is that EA is just buttering you up in preparation for work weeks that will last between 80 and 100 hours.

No, seriously.

Anyhow, thanks for the blog, Jeff.

A thing you're going to discover, I think, is that the act of writing is something you're going to miss terribly. Dashing off a memo just ain't the same thing as writing something creative. My guess is that you're going to end up writing in this space more frequently than what you might presently think.

Wabe.

(And by the way, any person who hasn't already played Half Life 2, probably shouldn't be working in the gaming business to begin with - so the Orange Box prize that you won is actually kind of baffling to me? Also, Orientation is a misnomer. Orientation is usually the most disorientating experience a person can be subjected to. That's been my experience anyhow. Enjoy the tacos. Christ almighty.)

Pele said...

Congratulations on not wetting yourself!

Phill said...

I'm alarmed that the thing I'm most jealous of is the 25 cent sodas. Still missing the Brodeo but loving the blog. Good luck on day two!

Anonymous said...

We now have a mole inside EA. Excellent...

Rune Lockhart said...

I'm happy you found your way threw the 1st day,as well as the bathroom!,Lol..just wish all my days were as eZ as the 1st.,huh!

kyle said...

haha Noob

Anonymous said...

[Happy tears] Our little Jeffrey is growing up. I'm really happy for you.

By the way, what's the deal with that winning orange box thing?

Jeremy Steven said...

Hey, Jeff! Congratulations!

I have a few questions
1. How was the commute?

2. Blast from the past: What were the Penny Arcade guys talking about? Yours was the only NWN2 review I could find on 1up, and you never mention ES: Oblivion.

Penny Arcade Commentary on 1up's NWN2 Review

Jeff's NWN2 Review on 1up

Shadou said...

Sounds like you had a ball.

When you went to the bathroom did they tell you about the 3 sea shells?

:P

Randy said...

Before this post gets too clogged up with comments, I gotta say I was extremely pleased that you stated that John Wesley Harding was your favorite Dylan album on the last Brodeo you were on. Secret best Dylan album ever!

TimeDoctor said...

Holy crap, thanks for mentioning this D&D tiny adventures game, didn't know about it before and now I'm really liking it. It is like an advanced version of progress quest.

Kami said...

For peeing in the sink, you've done us all proud.

Also, I think receiving The Orange Box is a sign that you must play TF2 some more. Sandvich!

Fred said...

I had my new employee orientation today (yesterday? damn, it's past midnight already!). I've been working for the company 7 years and transferred to a new facility 3 weeks ago and just today was the NEO. Seven hours full of boring compliance, quality, diversity, and HIPAA regulations and no cookies to show for it. Sounds like yours was waaaaayyyyyy cooler than mine! lol. I hope the second and final day of NEO tomorrow will include some kind of videogame giveaway, but I really doubt it.

Anonymous said...

sounds like an adventure!

Clutonium said...

What kind of cookies? lol

madlink said...

Glad that the first days over Jeff and I'm glad it went well. Since I'm interested in the minutia of your day I have a few questions. How was the commute? 70 miles traveling takes about an hour here in Minnesota. how many passwords do you have to set up? Was your phone and computer all ready set up for you? To heck with the 25 cent soda, if your phone and computer are working on the first day you know you have a good job :)
Take care.

Scott said...

Can I work with you! Please!

TURB0 said...

Well shit here I was expecting you to blow something up or at least light something on fire. You've made a fool of me Jeff Green!!!

James said...

Glad to hear your first day went well. Don't hesitate to use EA's fitness center; it'll help alleviate the upcoming stress. ;)

Cloudstrife said...

So long as you didn't ask before installing Peggle, it seems like you successfully avoided anything on your list.

But seriously, sounds like it wasn't a bad first day. Keep it up! (Note: Expect something like this from at least someone every day for at least month, or until you stop posting about specific days at work.)

Justin L said...

Congrats!

Any wajah moments on your first day, perhaps from rabid GFW Radio fanboys in EA?

Salaryn's Sword said...

Congrats on surviving your first day. You're in!

Thanks for the tip on the D & D Tiny Adventures, my nephews are looking for something free online to play, and except for the infamous Runescape they haven't found anything they like.

Paul said...

Thanks for posting, Jeff! The new job sounds kind of... ridiculously awesome.

Fleeter said...

Wow, I just woke up and read this, it feels like yesterday was my first day of work at EA.

That name on a card junk (avoiding the profanity jar), I couldn't stand for it. Screw working in the game industry.

it says my authentication code to type in below to verify this post is made by a human is "oyemej".

Lookin' forward to more!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you enjoyed yourself, I'm glad your first day went well.

dee said...

25 cent sodas?! A free game--which I'm sure you already own--at orientation?! Sounds like a bad to the bone first day on the job.

scyllz said...

Congrats Jeff, surprised they gave you an orange box for answering correctly. As much as I love it, shouldn't they of handed out something that anyone with taste has already had for a year or more?

Jeff Green said...

Answers to questions!

1. The commute went well, but it is a bit of a beast. It's a solid 45 minutes each way. All I can say is thank god for the new motorcycle, which is *so* comfortable I can kind of just sit back at least.

2. Wahjah moment: Only one, but it was nice. A guy came up to me while us New Hires were getting our Day One Tour, and said, "Awesome, you work here!" or something like that. I also had some nice emails from random EA employees welcoming me and saying they miss the Brodeo. That was cool, and made me feel much less like a Day One Tard that no one wants to talk to.


3. There were 5 other new hires yesterday. They do this *every Monday.*

4. Chocolate chip cookies.

5. Email/phone/PC all set up--everything worked beautifully. Then they set me up with some project management software that I will need to learn fast--or at least pretend to do so.

6. Yeah I'll be using that fitness center ASAP. That plus the store to get me some games, yo!

Oliver Snyders said...

Aw, yeah! Free games, inexpensive soda, writing of names on cards and the official mug of the company.

Aw, yeah! (say it Max Chill style).

Ben said...

Okay, stupid question time: Why did you have to write your name on the card?

Jeff Green said...

The name on the card was in the orientation room with the 5 other noobs--just a "My name is______" kinda thing.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm-- I work at EA and our pop's are $1.00 a can. WTF?

Grubber said...

So... uh... you got any plans for that Orange Box ;)

Anonymous said...

Alright Green, cut the crap and tell us when Starcraft 2 is coming out! Oh wait, that was Sean that went to Blizzard. When is Bioshock 2 coming? no...that's not right either? Damnit, where are you working again????

Oh well... Try that Orange Box game. It's a lot of fun. Portal is great but I hear it can be a 19 hour game.

Glad things are starting off well, Jeff. :)

Jordan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gabe said...

I really can't imagine that Jeff Green the former EiC of GFW has never played the orange box...

Dtrescott said...

Sounds like an awesome first day, and swag filled to boot. :)

Mark said...

Dude, reading your about your first day makes me want to join EA and win a copy of Orange Box, even if I do own a copy already.

And try and persuade them to make succeeding Madden games as DLC. :P

Mark said...

Dude, reading your about your first day makes me want to join EA and win a copy of Orange Box, even if I do own a copy already.

And try and persuade them to make succeeding Madden games as DLC. :P

Angel said...

Congrats on the awesome day by the way what was that trivia question that you got right.

MSUSteve said...

I assume you managed to not do anything on the previously posted list, so congrats! Though I have to admit, a story about you running around in your boxers yelling, "I'M IN THE GAME!" would've been pretty awesome

Joshua said...

Well, if you are feeling a bit small, Jeff, check this ish out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mS60zFUz86M

EPIC BLOOPY

Anonymous said...

Nice job picking up another copy of Half-Life.

Diego said...

No welcome banner??
These corp guys are so cold...

Congratz Jeff

Michael Adamek said...

Wow, good call. Dungeons and Dragons Tiny Adventures is completely addictive and has been stopping my work productivity! I'm glad to hear that even though you did "nothing" all day that you seem to be settling in and feel content with that. Thumbs up for Jeffy!

Slapshot said...

Did you say, "YOU'RE not the LORD OF THE RINGS!!!" to anyone? :)

Jason said...

That profanity jar cracks me up. At our studio every time the designer near me slips into a turrets like outburst a kid seems to pop out of nowhere at the most inopportune time.

mike said...

nice!
thanks for keeping us updated.
for some reason, your life seems far more exciting than mine.

ThePiePieper said...

Welcome! I know the feeling of being the new guy. I just left an 8 1/2 year retail job to site in an office cubical. Never felt so useless in my life. I went form the guy who knew it all, to the guy who doesn’t know jack. At least we're not alone.

Skip said...

So...you're really not coming back?

David said...

Don't worry Jeff, i pee exclusively in the sink.

Andrew McAuley said...

Awesome. You know... many podcasts have the podcasters in different cities...I'd pay 99cents for weekly non-official GFW radio...just saying.

Sagan said...

On the final podcast, you made a joke, that you had no idea about a lot of basic stuff, like how long it takes to model a head. Once you find out, could you tell us? Just tell us, whenever you find out small things like these, because we don't really know a lot about development of games.

Troy Goodfellow said...

Profanity jar? What if you curse in Simlish? Does that count?

Glen Haupt said...

I don't know, that day sounded pretty stressful from the peeing incident alone.

It's good news to hear that your first day was more enjoyable than not. But I suppose we all expected as much.

Jennifer said...

Jeff, Sims always have a hard time finding the bathroom. I knew you would fit right in!

Sam said...

enjoy it whilst it lasts!
(being the new guy, that is)
Forget the taco bar - Let me know when you want me to take you to the taco TRUCK!!!

Good to have you with us - from one of your recently greated new co-workers...

Sam

NamNam said...

whoa. ordered an iphone? got an EA coffee mug? 25 cent sodas? what am I doing over here becoming a teacher?

J.C. Richardson said...

As a former staffer at an EA studio I can say that you will fit right in Mr. Green. Good luck and best of luck to you. And if you can bring back SimTower as some sort of wonderful downloadable tidbit on online browser game I will be your indentured servant for a year and a day.

sephirotic said...

Jeff, do yourself a favor and get acquainted with Morgan Godat (he's an Art Director on Sims3). That dude is hilarious.

Tydigame said...

I got a mug when I worked at this really shitty job once. It was the only thing I really liked about that job. So when I quit, they cleaned out my locker, and THREW AWAY MY MUG. It was a sad day. But your day sounds like it was good. Just keep your eyes on your mug.

Erik said...

25 cent SODAS!!!! Dang Jeff, hook a brotha up!

Eric Majkut said...

Jeff: What sorta beer do you like? You've listed beer in your "what I had for dinner" thing a few times, and I'm just curious. You should start listing specific brews when you have them ;)

Kinda wondering what interesting local microbrews and such you guys have out there. Here in Cleveland we've got Great Lakes and some other awesome breweries, and I always enjoy hearing about the tasty local favorites people have in other areas.

So yeah. Beer.

Mark said...

I demand that you download and play Mega Man 9.

You got a Wii. Make good use of it!!!

:P

John said...

I know it hasn't aired for you yet, but I wanna know what you think of tonight's House, Jeff. Was it awesome, or totally awesome?

David Rosa said...

Kick ass Jeff!

John Rivett said...

Whatever you do Jeff, do NOT let work interfere with your daily Peggle Nights playing. I too have been sucked into it's dangerous vortex, and sudden withdrawal from it could lead to a violent reaction.

So, you said $.25 sodas, are we talking name brand or the rip off generics you see in the Wal Mart machines?

Hope you groomed yourself sufficiently for your first day.

Nazz said...

I can just imagine you behaving like George from Seinfeld when he got the job but he didn't know what he was actually supposed to doing. Just instead of air drumming you played Peggle.

Vandermint said...

That just *sounds* like the Sims. Did you wave your hands, grumble in some unintelligible language, and cry when you were trying not to wet yourself?

BTW, if you're not smart enough to find the bathroom, maybe you're not smart enough to work at EA. (Well, okay, maybe EA, but definitely not Blizzard or Bioware.)

Carrie said...

Your new co-workers are lucky to have you there! Glad your new job is going well, and I love your blog!

Anonymous said...

You're the greatest. Please keep em coming :)

Anonymous said...

how were the cookies?

Adam said...

Chuff it out mate.

Australia's behind you all the way.
I really do speak for the whole of Australia ;P

The Meehoo with an Exactlywatt said...

Awesome. I hsve one question though. What is the price of the candy bars in the EA vending machine?

TheMeanBoss said...

EA has the COOLEST song out. "Oh no you didn't!" Well, Chris Tilton and the Trash Men do anyway. I've never heard EA sing. :) Grats for moving over there. You must have had something to do w/it. http://www.pandemicstudios.com/mercenaries/downloads.php

Aaron Cherney said...

Awesome, homie!

Keep up the good work! ^^

CV-Vision said...

Jeff - I've been reading your work since 1995 - you are an AMAZING man. Keep writing, and now, create killer games. You rock - you're a gift to humanity!!!

Patrick said...

Although I have nothing witty or intelligent to say in response to this blog, I'm just here to say that I certainly didn't forget you, and I'll definitely be following your progress, and watching you regress into an EA drone, and recording it in a manor similar to Flowers for Algernon.

Dartastic said...

Yes, sodas are a quarter (YES!) and I as well, won a prize during my orientation. I won a copy of Hellgate London, but I traded it to someone else for Crysis. My computer can barely run it. It's better than the alternative, I guess. Welcome to the Horde!

Yet another Steve said...

Hey, 'New Guy'...

Way to go, congrats on the new gig. Once you are better situated, I think you should set this up for the NEXT new guy:

Have them empty their pockets into a small plastic tray as they enter, then distract them as they are handed back their keys, phone, iPod, etc. Their change disappears in a small slot in the tray.

Show them around, show them the FREE snack and soda machines. let them get stuffed on Mountain Dew and Cheeto's grab bags. Then when they need to hit the bathroom, let them find out the hard way that the stalls need a quarter to unlock.

Kick some butt Jeff, and hide some quarters in your Nikes, just for emergencies.

Dale said...

While 25-cent sodas may be great, at Treyarch we get free sodas. Also, free snacks and coffee. Although, really, any developer that doesn't provide free coffee doesn't want any work to get done.

Just in case I haven't fanned the EA/Activision rivalry enough with our superior soda pricing, we also pay $5 less for our games than you do yours. EA does provide a walk-in store, though, which is much more convenient. So, I dunno. Maybe it's a toss-up.

For the EA guy that pays a buck a soda, perhaps the 25-cent soda depends on the developer? Demand equality!

71M said...

In regards to the bathroom sink tapes: did you pull the fire alarm to create an opening to destroy the evidence, as seen in Battle Star Galactica?

Anonymous said...

Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening!

Peejay Li said...

Thank you for sharing such a nice article.
authentic nike shoes
discount puma shoes whosale
discount nike shoes whosale
cheap nike shoes
discount nike shoes
discount puma shoes
nike mens shoes
nike womens shoes
nike childrens shoes
puma mens shoes
puma womens shoes
chaussures puma
puma speed cat
Nike Tn Chaussures
requin tn
nike shox
puma shoes
puma CAT
puma basket
puma speed
baskets puma
puma sport
puma femmes
puma shox r4 torch
nike air max requin
nike shox r3
shox rival r3
tn plus
chaussures shox
nike shox r4 torch
air max tn requin
nike tn femme
pas cher nike
tn chaussures
nike rift
nike shox nz
chaussures shox
nike shox rival
shox rival
chaussures requin
jeans online
cheap armani jeans
cheap G-star jeans
cheap ugg boots