Sunday, September 21, 2008

Standing on the verge of getting it on.

Hoo boy. Tomorrow is the day. The transfer of my soul will be complete.

First Ziff Davis had it, for 17 years, then I had a week of being a Man Without A Corporation, and now tomorrow the deed will belong to Electronic Arts, my new masters for however long I make it there. Which hopefully will be longer than one day.

I have no idea how my first day as an Associate Producer is going to be, after spending all these years as a journalist. We shall see. Am I nervous? Why, yes, I am. Am I excited? Yes--more than the nervous part. It's really not often that one gets a chance to start over and plunge into something new...and I'm grateful for the opportunity. So now I have to not screw it up.

With this in mind, and without knowing what to expect, or not, I have made a small list of what not to do tomorrow, in the interest of job security:

1) Show up drunk.
2) Ask if my new machine comes with Peggle, and if not, can I please install it ASAP.
3) Casually observe that I sure am bored!
4) Ask if I can leave early so I can stop by the head shop on Telegraph in Berkeley before it closes.
5) Strip to my boxers and run through the EA hallways yelling, "I'M IN THE GAME!"
6) March into one of the executive's offices and ask what the fuck is up with the DRM in Spore.
7) Try to break my record for loudest belch ever.
8) Tell my new boss to be quiet because I'm trying to play Word Challenge on FaceBook.
9) Fall asleep.
10) Ride my new motorcycle into the EA Cafe and yell, "WHICH ONE OF YOU BITCHES WANTS TO GO FOR A RIDE?"

People often wonder how I lasted at Ziff Davis for 17 years. It is because of lists like this one. You set goals, and then you keep them. This is the secret to my success. Feel free to copy and paste this for use in your own life.

And wish me luck for tomorrow!

121 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good luck, Jeff!

Dothack said...

Good Luck!

D Gray said...

Jeff, I am sure you have heard it before but good luck @ EA. You have been one of my favorite writers and speakers(GFW Radio RIP)along with Shawn Elliott for a long time. its sad for everbody that you have new jobs, but i know with your XP you'll do great.

Anonymous said...

Does EA have some kind of Buddy system for the newcomers? Would sucks big time if you have to sit by yourself during lunch.

Tell us tomorrow if you end up making any new friends at EA : )

Delerat said...

That is a damn good list to live by. Good luck on your first day, and if it doesn't turn out well, do #10.

Zipdrive said...

Good luck, Jeff. Hope it's fun and enlightening, and I hope you get to work on some great, fun stuff.

Katrina said...

Good luck Jeff! And even though it's on your list of what not to do, I think #10 is still an awesome idea.

Terence said...

LOL @ #5. Good luck Jeff and I'm very glad you're blogging quite frequently. More than you did at 1UP!

Xavier Garcia said...

I can tell you from experience, the first day of a videogame is job is BORING AS SHIT.

They'll be setting up your computer n' shit all day, youll have e-mail access by the end of the day, your team will take you to lunch and you'll go home early'ish since theres nothing to do, even though you probably showed up early because you wanted to make a good impression ;)

MadVader30 said...

Good luck at EA

Joe said...

Good luck, Jeff.

protocolsnow said...

I can only imagine what you're feeling, probably a lot like a kid starting his first day of high school or college. Don't screw up your first day!!

maas said...

Fans of the Brodeo are rooting for you, Jeff. You ARE the Lord of the Rings!!

Wallace M. Fajardo said...

Good luck Jeff, but I have a feeling that EA will need it more. Oh well.

Fikus said...

Lets hope EA doesn't read your blog :).

Good luck Jeff.

Kevin said...

May your influence sweep throughout the entire EA corporation (hell, that list you probably made at the top of your head would probably come in use for me). Good luck, Jeff!

eric said...

Good luck tomorrow!

nate childers said...

The class level at EA is going up tomorrow.

Your voice will be greatly missed at 1up You, Luke, Malloy and Shawn Elliot were really the best thing about that place. The kids are good, but it'll be a while before they have the chops that have left that place in the last 18 months.

May your first day at EA be fantastic. Hey, maybe they'll give you a machine capable of running Crysis!

Clutonium said...

#11: Try not to yell "YOU'RE NOT THE LORD OF THE RINGS!" to Will Wright or John Riccitiello.

Good luck Jeff. You'll do just fine!

Chuck said...

Good luck, Jeff!

I realize you probably can't tell us much about your new job, but if you could keep us updated on what you do, it would be fascinating. The "inside baseball" aspects of the podcast were some of the best parts.

Just don't reveal too many details. I don't want to hear about Sim Ant Societies until I can play it.

muchelle said...

Good luck Jeff! :)

James said...

As I said in the last post, make us proud Jeff! :)

Imran Malek said...

Have fun Jeff!

Mark M said...

Good luck maintaining your employment!

Chris Tilton said...

GOOD LUCKS

Cloudstrife said...

Good luck Jeff hope it works out.

JJ said...

DUDE THIS BLOG IS AWESOME.

I know this sounds silly but it kind of feels like tomorrow is going to be my first day at a game dev as well. I mean you've been keeping us updated and we're on the edge of our seats with you. It feels like were about to share an experience. I don't that sounds insane but that's kind of what it feels like. I'm sure other commentators will agree.

Operator-C said...

I'd never be able to get any sleep if I were in your position. Have fun tomorrow!

Anonymous said...

Good luck Jeff! Long live the Brodeo!

ecto said...

I think its good that someone like you gets in the business and gets to work on the games. Just remember all the things you have said and try to aim them in the right direction. It is EA and they have been known to fuck things up.

Good luck.

Gunsakimbo said...

good luck man!

It kind of sucks that I'm going to have to play the sims in the future now. I was done with that shit years ago and I really don't have time for more things like this in my life.. thanks.

Kvalnir said...

Best of luck.

Chaoticwhizz said...

Good luck Jeff. Try to get some sleep tonight. It certainly would be hard for me to do it. Anyway, take care.

oddjob said...

Good luck Jeff! You should subscribe to a twitter feed and document your entire first day (hell, everyday!) of your new digs.

DL said...

God bless and good luck Mr. Green.
Generate some good in this world.

James D. Bausch said...

I have a list of things to do on your first day, and it has really helped me.

1st. Beat the shit out of someone on the first day. It will keep people from fucking with you or trying to make you their bitch.

2nd. Don't get all weird during the cavity search, you will be dealing with these guards for a while...

wait. I'm sorry that is my first day of prison list. guess you are on our own kiddo. good luck

Blaine said...

ZOMG, you're a Funkadelic fan?

Jordan said...

Good luck Jeff, I hope you aren't too nervous. I'm sure you'll feel a lot better about one minute after you walk in the door :)

Thor Jarle said...

Good luck, Jeff!

Keep a place open for me, cause I'll join you soon!

Ray said...

Please, I think you should be worried about what they are going to do to *you* mister.

Good luck!

Rob said...

Good Luck and Godspeed!

Aaron Hinkle said...

Good Luck Jeff.
I'm sure you will do great.
Hope you still update your blog regularly. Your posts are awesome!

bwatling said...

Best of luck Mr.Green I'm sure you're going to do great, I'm pretty excited to see what games you have in store for all of us. Enjoy is and as luke said on last weeks GFW, let the experience just wash all over you.

Paul said...

Jeff,

I'm a fan and I wish you luck... But man, some of these comments are kinda creepy. If you run into any fans you might want to watch out for love knives.

Anyway, don't worry about tomorrow. You're a professional who pursues excellence, you'll do fine.

spav said...

Hahaha good luck Dad, I'll be cheering you on!

matt said...

You'll do just fine Jeff, as long as you adhere to your list. Good luck tomorrow!

SwiftTheRedFox said...

Good luck man!!! I hate new jobs as well. But once you get a nice, cool routine at EA, that nervousness will go away. But I definitely think you should do #10 on your list. That made me LOL.

Mike said...

Have fun filling out all the paperwork for HR tomorrow. It always seems like the first day or two of a new job involves way too much thinking about what deductions you're supposed to have and which insurance plan to go with. Have fun at EA and be gentle on the coders.

David said...

Good luck, Jeff! First days are always really exciting and cool. Honeymoon period!

And you're playing Final Fantasy IV? I never picked you for a JRPG player. That one is excellent.

Anonymous said...

Just Don't get fired, don't think ziff will take you back!

Mongo said...

Awesome Jeff. I'm sure you will do great there!

Marco said...

Good luck, Jeff!

Maybe you should start a poll on things you should and shouldn't do at work every week. So far, most people feel (myself included) that you should definitely do #10. Also, I'd like to throw in a contender for #11; start a motivational speech to your staff with, "Wha's gonna sell?"

Pete said...

Good luck Jeff! I'm sure you'll do great.

The Quacking King said...

I'M IN THE GAME?!


I had a really shitty day, but after reading your latest blog I feel much better :)

Fred said...

Good luck. Yoooouuullll need it!

Just kiddin'. You'll do great!

The Deviot said...

Good Luck Jeff!

Stitched said...

Reading that list makes me feel that, in spite of everything, you are definitely going to miss life at Ziff-Davis. The grass is always greener, I guess.

I, also, didn't know that you and Shawn took the same position in game development. That's greird.

Robert said...

Not that you need it, but Good Luck Jeff!

Nice to see you updating this pretty frequently. You must've made more posts here by now than you ever did at 1up?

Just kidding. :)

John (Hazuki) said...

Good luck! Enjoy the challenge.

Luther said...

Jeff, I start a brand new job tomorrow, as well. Also my first job getting into the game industry! Tomorrow is my first day doing QA. I moved up to Washington from California about a month ago, and FINALLY tomorrow I start my new life in the industry. Hooray! You and me, Jeff. We can do it!

kyle said...

You should try and play Spore all day but make sure to choose one of the anti-DRM creatures to play with.

Good Luck Jeff. Keep the blogs coming and tell Shawn to do one too.

Po0py said...

Thanks for all those amazing podcasts and content, Jeff.

Good luck on your first day.

Jessica said...

3) Casually observe that I sure am bored!
Out of all the problems you can encounter on your first day, don't worry about this one. You'll have enough on your plate :P I'm not sure about the game industry but in tv animation, I always find the good producers are always working late. Have fun!

zeldahoolin said...

Hope you have a great first day tomorrow Jeff :)
I packed a lunch for you and make sure not to cross the street unless a crossing guard helps you.

KindGalaxy said...

You forgot one thing on your list of what not to do tomorrow, the most important one of all,

Do not take the day off.

Rune Lockhart said...

that was REAL funny!!! i feel the same way and will use it for my own life. you are going to do perfectly with that kind of character! believe it!! you are Awesome!

Bill said...

Strip to my boxers and run through the EA hallways yelling, "I'M IN THE GAME!"

I think you should do this one. I'm sure your new bosses will just see it as unbridled enthusiasm.
Do it Jeff!! ;)

MofoKing said...

Good luck!

Salaryn's Sword said...

They need you at EA, stuffy buggers. Maybe you'll loosen them up, in a GOOD way.

-WiFi Pirate- said...

You should also have on your list...
Walk into board meeting, slap your junk on the table and say "It's in the game!".
Seriously though good luck.

Budo said...

Jeff, if #6 is true, and you reveal that the whole leaving 1UP, Shawn leaving, and cancelling the Brodeo was just an enormous ruse to get access to EA and ask them "EA! WTF with DRM?", I will worship you and rename my twins Jeff and Jeff. And they're girls.

Tritone said...

Pretty good list, but you forgot a couple of important ones, and I only hope to God you read this before it's too late.

1) if anyone on your team asks you if you want to smoke some "Creativity tobacco" remember you don't have to do drugs to be cool.

2) Remember, when circumnavigating the golden statue of Will Wright, to go clockwise and leave your offering in silence. And don't take flash pictures.

3) When drinking the Kool Aid it's better to down it in one swallow.

pauljeremiah said...

best of luck Jeff.

Grubber said...

Bonne Chance!

Glen Haupt said...

Good luck, man! I hope you enjoy your new job.

Ben said...

It sure was sad to see you go, but I'm sure you'll start proving your worth at EA in no time, and we'll see more great things from you!

Anderson said...

Good luck, man -- I couldn't be happier that both you and Shawn are now where it's apparent you ought to be.

Dtrescott said...

Good luck. :)

Rary said...

Phew Good luck man.. I hope your day is going well. I too am starting a new job today, only difference is its a night job.. and not quite so interesting.

Flat Vanilla Coke said...

Dang, you're hilarious. Just in general, I'm saying.

And while I know 100% what you mean when you say things like "have a chance to start new," I'm pretty sure you realize that you're showing up at work this morning not just with your motorcycle, but with all of the professional and emotional baggage that those EA folks are going to be handling ... not *for* you, I guess, but *about* you. You're Jeff fuggin' Green. And I realize that you probably want to remain somewhat humble about that Captain Obvious-styled fact, but your reputation precedes you.

No, not with everybody, but ...

Can I ... can I get some more coffee over here? My brain's hit 1000 RPMs, but it's not coming up with anything intelligible yet.

Gary said...

Good luck for tomorrow. Regarding Peggle, don't you have it on Steam? I'm not saying you should spend your day playing it mind...

FreshOne said...

You sure you won't consider bending a little on #6?

Good luck, sir. If you blow it, forget one of these rules, and end up canned, you can always continue with these lists as a Gaming Letterman.

dee said...

You don't need any luck, Jeff. EA is going to love you as much as we Brodeo fans loved you. You'll be awesome in your new job. Just have fun and enjoy your new beginning--and the bike!

And what the hell, good luck.

Anonymous said...

I guess the big question is, will you see further?

jackson said...

Hope the day is going smashing for you jeff. Im sure gonna miss the podcasts.

Jason said...

Good luck Jeff! You'll be into the swing of things in no time. I'll make sure to keep this list on hand for future use.

Ben said...

Ha! Loved the list

NeoJedi Knight said...

Good luck Dad!

Ken said...

ahahaha awesome list

F16Freek said...

Jeff, for some reason I feel that you are lying to us... I did every one of those things, minus the underwear one, at my last job. I was unemployed by lunch time... Of course it could be that the east coast is more strict when it comes to things like that. ....who knows?

ThePiePieper said...

Good Luck and I hope your first day is going well.

Michael Adamek said...

I would copy and paste that advise, but sadly those ideas make up my current resume.

Tydas said...

So far so good, no news story of manical man arrested at EA...

Anonymous said...

please yell I'm in the game. I plan to yell that at the local EA event now.

TURB0 said...

It's a bit late and you're probably eating lunch but Good Luck!

Although number 10 on your what not to do list sound totally bitchin' and a great way to find out who the cool people are.

JLT said...

Good belated luck, Jeff! Hey, does a belated luck work well?

Xper said...

Best of luck in the world!

Sarah said...

GOOD LUCK JEFF! I hope you had a great first day at work. I'm super excited for you, (I'm even getting nervous! Lol!)

*waves*

Tydigame said...

Good luck!

Phil said...

Good luck!

Jordan said...

Hey Jeff!

Hope you had a great first day at EA. Hope it's not all just orientation stuff today. Congrats on the new bike!

Anonymous said...

Good luck Jeff, hope todays gone well.

Also, even if its not for another 15 years, you have to do #5 and #10, its just got to be done!

Wim Tubbax said...

How was it? Good luck for the rest of the week!

halojones-fan said...

A storu about Berkley, with a bonus quote from Ryan Scott:

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-bowl22-2008sep22,0,5955581.story

Raymond said...

Best of luck to you, sir!

David said...

could you pick me up some shwag from the headshop Jeff?..thanks

Justin L said...

I find it strangely ironic that the day you announced your own departure was the same day that I announced mine. My first day at the new place was today as well.

Hope your day went well, Jeff!

Anonymous said...

So, how was it? Post some shit, neeee-gro.

scyllz said...

what he said

Anonymous said...

Even though I'll miss the Brodeo, I hope your day went well Jeff!

Anonymous said...

I wonder if Jeff, in having been with the same company for so long, didn't maybe forget how stressful the first day on a job can be?

It's like starting school again - everyone else seems to know the rules, but nobody wants to tell you what they are. Ha!

What is Jeff working on anyhow? The Sims 3? Are we allowed to start bugging Jeff about that, or is it still too early? The Sims 2 felt like an unfinished game to me. It felt a game that was designed chiefly to be a cash cow, in that the game was really only complete if you were to buy all the expansion packs.

The other problem I had with that game was that it really did seem to be targeted at teenaged girls. If EA could gear this thing more towards adult gamers then I'd be more enthusiastic about it - but how to go about doing that?

Anyhow, what I hope did NOT happen today, was that the folks at EA explained to Jeff that The Sims 3 is really just a program that will feed all the expansion packs to come - and here's what he has to do in order to make that happen. (Although maybe that's just how it works - when you go to work for the man, I suppose you have to do what the man tells you.)

Also, does this mean that, in the future, certain sims in The Sims are going to act like Jeff?

So we're going to see an uber cool geek, who loves computer games, but rides a motorbike and freely uses the F-word?

Hmm.

I'd rather see a Wabe sim!

Calvin Roberts said...

Jeff you're the man!!! Break a leg!

Jomolungma said...

Well, my first day of my new job was last Monday, and I was able to pretty much stick to your list Jeff. I did fall asleep kinda, but it was during lunch and in my office with the door closed, so I don't think anyone noticed. I still have my job anyhow. Good luck staying awake!

Anonymous said...

which one of you bitches wants to go for a ride? hahahahahhaha (i ride so i can really relate to that joke)

jeff, you gotta do that... you know, once you settle in a bit :)

MLiegey said...

definately looking forward to hearing about your monday - trying to fit in at the new water cooler.... hope it went well.

Tommy said...

That list reminded me of one of my favorite parts of the internet circa 1997. X number of things to do in _____. It was usually 50, and most of the time in some public space. For instance "50 fun things to do in an elevator". The difference between your list and those lists is they no longer make me laugh whereas yours is still quite humorous. I hope at some point in your career at EA, you get to do one of those of which you listed you would not do on your first day.

Criticism in gaming is lesser for you and Shawn leaving its realms.

Corbin Clem said...

Good luck Jeff, I look forward to you're next describing how it went =D.

houston3000 said...

#5, do it

MSUSteve said...

How big of a dork am I that I actually had to lookup what a head shop is? A HUGE dork you say? You'd be correct.

Gabe said...

As much as I would love to see the different business model, something more consumer friendly perhaps. I just don't see it happening. I would not want to be the one standing in front of the EA board room after dozens of people have discussed how incredibly successful The Sims franchise is, and tell them "the business model is not working, let's change things!".

But I understand the frustration with some of the gamers, a few months ago I actually wanted to dip into The Sims 2 after that podcast with that...dude... from EA (the name escapes me). But I discovered that if I wanted to get the complete experience (The Sims 2 + all the expansions) it would cost me the brain shattering sum of about $180 (before tax).

So I said "thanks, but no thanks to the overpriced game to no-where". And chose another PC Game as my running mate.

Anonymous said...

Long time 1up listener. So, happy to hear that you're doing well and its everything you'd hoped for. Love the blog.

GamerTag/1up: MoralDilema :)